If only i could turn back the time, I would have done it better and made a better choice. I often think about these and even came to the point when I'm thinking of the impossible things just to make possible things happened. What if time machine do really exist? Is it beneficial to me or it could make my life even worst! If ever there is, I would be the first one to try by going back to the time it happened and undo all of my wrong decisions and choices I've made in the past to make a better one.
Regrets! That's what I'm feeling everytime I've encountered trials which i find difficult to handle myself! When it happens, i took a paused and reflected all of the wrong choices I've made that affect my today's life and even my tomorrow that only the future can tell what kind of life there awaits.
One of My Regrets in Life
First- Choosing our life's partner is one of the factor that can affect of what kind of life we have today and with the kind of life we will have in the future. It's one of the reality that I failed to examine during my younger days. For all the singles out there, you have to be very careful in choosing yours. Sometimes you need to reign your heart and let your mind in control of your decisions particularly in deciding over matters when it comes to love. Out heart sometimes will be blinded with extreme emotions that we only see the love's facade beauty and not what's behind underneath it's surface. It's not that I dont love my husband, because I do. I won't settle for him if I dont. I admit, there are instances that triggers me to stop loving him. What made me feel this way? Many times we do experienced this on and off relationship because of how we deal with our circumstances. We even experienced breaking up for 4 months just recently, maybe i will tell all the details in my next article if you like!
Then I came to ask these myself, what if I've waited for right the one to come along, i mean the better one. What if I've waited for all of my crushes to settle down first before i had mine. I married early at the age of 26 and some of my crushes married late at the age 32 and others still single up to now.
I'm sorry but this is how i feel everytime my husband failed to show the expectations I have for our marriage. I'm not a perfect wife and he's not a perfect husband either but I'm trying my best to accept each of his imperfections coz surely I have mine too in order for this marriage to last for our kids welfare.
Honestly, before, I do have someone in particular that I like and adore so much. He's my classmate way back in my highschool days. During that time, I did a lot of funny and weird things just to make him fall for me. I even tried putting his picture under my pillow with the thought that he's gonna be dreaming of me and think of me too. Aside from that, I even resorted writing his name a thousand times in a whole sheet of paper and soaked it in a glass of water and drink it at exactly 12 midnight and make a wish out of it. Haven't you tried this weird things just to get the affection that you wanted to. Lol. I won't mentioned his real name. Anyway, it's already in the past. He's already had a life of his own and i have mine. Im just sharing it because it's one of the things I've regretted the most even up to now. I even considered him as the Man of my dreams. We we're classmates back then and I have lots of good and bad memories with him during that time. I've never expect that his wicked ways was just a front to get my attention. Yes, we fought a lot during those days but can't help myself to feel kilig a little because of the attention he gave me though it's not in a good way but still i have a moment with him anyway. I even hit and spanked him everytime he teased me for something. I'm thankful that he never tried even once to fight back and that's one thing that made me love him even more.
Why not wait for him then if I truly love him? It's because I thought there would be no chance for us and also i was blinded with insecurities at that time. I'll tell you guys a secret about woman, sometimes we chose to marry not because we are in love but we chose to marry because we are being loved.
Go back to my stories about my puppy love,I have this inkling feeling of regret when i discovered just recently through our group chat conversation with our batchmates because we created one during the onset of this pandemic. Our bonding and closeness made even closer and that's the time he revealed that He too has feelings towards me during our high school days, i really want to post a screenshot of our conversation but i want to keep our privacy . It's useless anyway! Though i cant really believe it at first because tell you what, I'm just plain and ordinary. In fact I have this inferiority complex, and it all started when I became my classmates favorite when it comes to their bullying. But they already told their reasons why they did those things. They're just making fun of me because I'm sensitive (pikon in Filipino term) and they told me I'm fun to be with! They even told me that our high school moments would be that boring without me! Yay!
I can sense that maybe that's the quality that my crush likes me about! I dont want to brag more but I'm always in the honor's list during highschool.LOL
2nd-Choosing my career- I've already mentioned this in my fb account about this one. Choosing what career to pursue will affect what kind of path were going to take in the future. I came to ask this myself also, what if i didn't pursue Education and enrolled in DBET( Diploma in Basic Education Teaching) Im sure I'm not in my teaching career today. Actually I'm a graduate of Bachelor of Science in Agri-Business . I dont have much confidence in my first profession. Most of the Agri-Business graduates worked mostly in bank, Microfinance and other lending company. Since i have this inferiority complex, i pursue my 2nd course which is education. I didn't say education is only for someone with mediocre personality. Absolutely not, I just feel no discrimination in this field, as long as you met all the requirements then you're qualified to be one. This became one of my regret because it's my dream to work abroad which i could no longer do now because of my health. It's been my dream to travel outside the country so being here as a teacher, i feel im stuck and won't make my dreams into reality.
Closing thoughts
Our life is not like a computer. It has no undo and redo button. Everytime we made a decision, we have to consider the fact that it would become a permanent thing. You can't erase nor edit after the decision is being made it would only left a mark, a permanent mark.
Our life also is not like an article, that once you hit the publish button you still have the chance to update and change some mistakes for the better.
In other words don't cry over spilled milk, we could no longer claim back the lost time and spend in regrets of the things that has been done already. The only thing we can do is embrace the reality. Embrace the future. We will only be disappointed and feel that regret if we keep on thinking of the memories in the past. Let's just learn to let go from it and let's face the reality together without regret.
This is my 5th article, hope you will enjoy reading this without regret.
Lead image source from unsplash
Correct! Crying over spilled milk won't take us somewhere. But then we can't avoid to think about the past and the regrets we have. Just don't let it consume you for the past is a good place to visit, but not a good place to stay.