Lament

What's your deepest regret/s?

How do you handle it?

Often times, we tried to decide as good as possible. Sometimes, the instant we decided to do or not do certain thing, comes with an uncertain results. Even though how much we carefully plan and organized it, failure is still possible.

I have a lot of regrets. Big and small. However, these are all in the past and I can't do anything to change it- but at least if the same thing happened again, I know what to do. There are regrets that actually do not give you stress when you think about it but rather you managed to just laugh about it, but there may be some that whenever they think about it, they can't help themselves but to look back and think "what if I did or didn't to this? Will it be different?"

Criminology interns were watching or guarding the school near our canteen today, as it is the protocol. They have to make sure the students will not stand by the school for a long time. Also, their presence makes the reckless driver to drive carefully and call the attention of those who don't follow the safety protocols. They were already here since 7 in the morning and they bought and eat breakfast in our canteen (kilig yarnn hehe)

So what curiouscat? What about these interns?

Well, my sister was a criminology student before. She didn't managed to finish it. The reason is because she can't pay the tuition (private college) that time because she lost the money that mom gave her. She didn't inform my mom right away until we just found out that she's not coming to school anymore, so her professors dropped her out. Of course mom and dad and the whole family is sad about it, and even though they didn't tell us, we know they are disappointed. They were excited that they will have a policewoman but it was all gone in just a snap. Seeing those interns made my sister say "that's still my biggest regret, that until now, I feel sad whenever I think about it."

Now, my sister is in 4th year and taking Education course. She was further delayed in studying because she already have 2 children, and her body will not be able to handle the training for a criminology student (she gained so much weight) that's why she didn't continue it. But, we will both graduate this year (claiming) and pass the exam (claiming again) together. She'll be a teacher and I'll be an engineer (now or soon, I'm claiming it ultimately). I think, even though she didn't end up as a policewoman, mom and dad are still proud.

For me, the biggest regret is not being able to show so much affection to my dad. My hesitations of hugging him and calling him whenever I want to, back when I was away from home. This makes me miss him more and it breaks my heart every time. But, it taught me that even though how cold my personality is, I should still learn to show my love in my own love language because parents know us. They can understand our small act of kindness. Little by little, I am trying to show affection to my mom more than before.

I can't help but think that there are good regrets. You know, something that will keep you going. That despite making the wrong decisions, you still manage to be successful. God is always in control, so whenever I found myself at lost, I still have the faith to keep going on.

What are your deepest regrets? Things happened and that's fine.

Daijoubou desu!