The moment before I close my eyes. (Caris ft. Scarquinn/k.sinner)

Then the typing began at this moment.

The feeling is interminable. I don't know if this is real but I keep on thinking about him. We used to be so close enough to share some secrets that we never had a chance to share with anyone.

Whenever I watch the clock, staring its hand move to another number until I got dizzy, there you are. Hearing the sounds of the clock ticking is like my heart beating.

The moments before I close my eyes it was you that I can hear, the softness of your voice is like a lullaby to me that gives some peace to my dark soul.

One night, while I was waiting for your call I tried to open my book then read some chapters that made me think broader about something that really bothers me. The guy in the book describes your personality, funny right? A fictional character that almost perfect and so are you. I cannot hide the fact that I was thinking about you and felt the butterflies inside. It's insane to think about that since we're not into that level, we're just friends who love and enjoy the company of each other. And then I finished reading the book and I never heard about you, if you're busy with something or not. I keep on asking myself when it's been 24 hours without replying to my messages. The 24 hours became one week, one month, and now one year had passed still no communication with you. I already read thousands of stories while trying to figure out what's wrong and what happened to us.

The moment we shared foods, watch movies together and hang out. It's just me and you who helps each other when needed a hand. You're my pillow to hug, my hanky for tears, my umbrella when it rains and my knight and shining armour at all times. But things are not like that anymore. You left me hanging and dumbfounded.

-c

The memory that feels like yesterday.

I was busy with my study for the past 4 years and I decided to look for you when I graduated. I go to where you live but you're not there anymore. When I asked about you, someone got too emotional and cried. I was so confused at that time but the moment she said those last line, my heart broke for the last time, she gave something to me and when I looked into it, it was a small box with a letter written inside.

Hey love,

I never had the chance to explain nor to prove how much I really love you. Of how much I cared for our future that's why I also never had the chance to say goodbye. I just didn't friggin' realize that the last time I will see you is the time to that you're hurting because of me. Because of what I did, because of me . . . leaving. I know my sorry will never be enough and will never make you come back. All that's left to me is the memories. I was too busy building our future together that I forgot to put effort in our relationship.

Now, all I can do is mourn, cry and blame myself for everything. I am now scared to move forward. I am scared to move on without you. If only I could bring back everything and make things right. I never meant to make you suffer. But until my last whiff, I called your name name, I still love you the same.

I'm sorry.

-k

I still love you anyway

Why does it hurt to feel alone? 

No one cares if I'm not home 
It feels like I'm in a big dome 
But here I am crying, alone.

I wish that we can be together 
Watching sunset until forever 
How I wish that you're still here 
Hugging and talking to each other.

I didn't take you for granted, 
I love you coz that's what I wanted 
You left me dumbfounded 
that's how our story ended.

You left me so voiceless 
You left me like I was worthless! 
You left me, You left me! 
And I become heartless

The sorrow and tears of yesterday 
It doesn't fade away 
Even if you passed away, 
I still love you anyway.

-C

Disclaimer:

Story collaboration with @scarquinn

Not a real story of mine. It's just me being bitter whenever I read my poem. I really don't know why I wrote this poem years ago😆

Author's Note:

Thank you for reading, God bless!