@carisdaneym2
Inner thoughts
How bright is your day? How did you manage to say that you're okay in front of everyone when you're not. How can you lay down in your bed for almost 24 hours by doing nothing? How did you manage to ignore all the things that are bothering your inner thoughts? Days passed and I cannot still find where am I. Stuck in a way that you are free yet you can't move. The ideas are flowing but I kept it like that, I didn't do anything, I just let it until it was overflowed and wasted. I have so many things to say and I keep on wanting more until it satisfied me but the reason I can't write it down and I still don't know why maybe it is because of the inner thought that keeps on blocking my way. You are not a good writer, you are not that smart and you don't have what they have. I know that sounds absurd to think like that but I always feel like that. I'm useless. Even though there are so many people who are inspired by my story and experiences in life, how they say that I am strong enough to fight for my dreams but there is something wrong that keeps me wanting more and aiming more and more that it is drowning me right now and I don't know how to swim and survive. I still feel useless and nothing but a virus. There is someone that I want to be so proud of me. Someone who will support my decision in life and someone who is not degrading my personality but I guess there is no way that person will appreciate and accept me. I know I am not perfect but I keep on trying my best but all I can hear is not support and guidance but a disgusting look whenever we face each other. The person that I know who is so tired of seeing me, the person that wanted me to be gone forever. The pain was there. Stabbing the small tomato using the thousands of knives. I don't know how to fight anymore. I am so tired. I don't wanna experience to be depressed again. Depression leads me to suicidal thoughts and I don't want it anymore. Hope that my mom will be proud of me soon... Maybe writing here again can make my problems lighter than the air but won't fade easily for the reason that I cannot live without it. *I tried to ignore and pretend to be blind* ***Trying my very best to grind,*** ***But it is always stuck in my mind.*** ***You said that I am not just anyone.*** ***My sweetness and cuteness won't be gone.*** ***But I guess now I am done,*** ***Coz you don't want me anymore to come.*** Now, it's hard for me to understand why. I keep on blaming myself every time whenever you feel worthless but did you ask if I was okay? I was exhausted as always. I remember when I published this one **"Filthy fragile enigma"** this is one of the reasons why I started to hate myself and keep on questioning why am I still alive until now haha. https://read.cash/@carisdaneym2/social-experiment-30-behind-the-scene-8bd0b6ca Anyways, don't mind me here am still alive and kicking. I just don't know what to prioritize, is it my mental health or the requirements that need to be done or the household chores every day. When I wasn't active here. I still manage to post on noise.cash that I am still thankful for everything.
*When bitcoin cash entered my life, it became so unreal like I never expected to come this far. The first time, I registered on read.cash it was just because I need a load ( internet connection) for my online class, then it happened that I need to quit my part-time job before 2020 ends and I started my journey again here in noise.cash and read.cash and then the next thing was so unexpected too that I can earn more than $100 a month and it was higher compared to my part-time job before. How bitcoin cash helped me, I am so thankful. I finally bought some things that I need and the most important about this is that I found a very nice and overwhelming community. The read.cash and noise.cash user who taught me a lot about so many things. I am so thankful. I will be forever thankful for Bitcoin cash. Sorry for being dramatic on this post but this is how I really feel right now. I am so grateful. There no is no word to explain my happiness. I just want to appreciate all those people behind this project and to all the people who support bch.* Link https://noise.cash/post/18w5qwr4 Find me at: Noise.cash: **Carisdaneym** https://noise.cash/u/Carisdaneym Twitter: **carisdaneym** https://twitter.com/carisdaneym?s=09 Instagram: Carisdaneym Publish0x: **Carisdaneym** https://www.publish0x.com/settings Uptrennd: **Carisdaneym** https://www.uptrennd.com/user/MTQ1OTUy Facebook: **Carisdaneym Lazy blogger** https://www.facebook.com/carisdaneym.lazyblogger Telegram: **carisdaneym2** https://read.cash/@carisdaneym2/clear-sky-and-shy-c081065c#bad-link Facebook page by @Yen **Bitcoin cash Nueva Ecija** https://web.facebook.com/BCHNE Facebook group by @bmjc98 **Bitcoin cash Earn and Learn** https://read.cash/@bmjc98 https://web.facebook.com/groups/237769798056371 **Author's Note** Thank you for reading, God bless!
16 comments
Always Remember dear that there are still beautiful things around to see that concentrating on that negative does not give anything good. I was like you before but I just continued my life... Hope so are you... 💕💕💕
Thank you so much. Your words really comforted me last night :)
I'm glad I did comforted you. 💕
ur d’best tita, sure ako na sobrang proud na proud sayo si lola kahit ano pa pinapakita nya sayo, always think positive lang, salamat talaga at may ganitong platform na napapagaan ang saloobin natin, andito lang ako/kami tita😚😚
Yow pamanks thank you den. Tita is always here for you too.
You're so jolly and sounds like you're okay when we're on telegram that we didn't notice that you have this thought that you're keeping in your heart. You're good in hiding ano Carismatic. But why you have to think of her and then get hurt later. Why not remove your expectation to her and do what you have to do. Forget here, focus on what you need to do and just stop thinking about here. Alam mong di nakakabuti sau kung papakaisipin mo sya. Wala syang pakialam sayo so do the same to her. May karapatan ka namam siguro dahil ganon sya sa inyo. Lalong bibigat yang dibdib mo kung mas pagtutuonan mo sya ng pansin. May pangarap ka, yan ang gawin mo ang gawin mong inspirasyon. Wag mong ipagpilitan ang sarili mo sa taong dika naman pinapahalagahan! For once maging selfish ka at kalimutan mo sya. fighting caris caris. We're cute and beautiful, so think only of that.
Sabi na pang mmk na naman ito haha. yeah we are cute and beautiful. Gusto ko pa sana sabihin lahat kaso send vm nalang🤣😂
Ahahaha, aigoooo. Fighting lang okay.
We both are same i can relate but you should move on and stop thinking !
Thank you samad :)
Pareho tayo ng nararanasan pero ok kami ng mama ko, sa papa ko lang hindi. Bale baliktad lang. Pero bakit naman ganun siya at ganun sila. Palage ko rin yang tanung sa sarili ko na hanggang ngayon ay wala pa ring kasagutan..
Senpai dm 🤣😂
Huh? Ok bakit pala.😅
My mother were only proud on me if they were on crowd but I still feel empty. I don't know what should I feel and in terms of my father, I think I felt his unconditional love but we are not in good terms. I just feel out of place on the house but I still vibing right there. I realized that I'm still lucky. Don't pressed yourself on suicidal thoughts because I don't want to give money for your funeral (haha jk, just don't do that)
Hahahaah no, I am not going to do that. :) thanks for sharing hope you guys will be okay soon. And ours too.
My dear...I hope you are doing well. If there is one thing I learned related to your predicament, it is learning to differentiate the urgent from the important. I for one most of the time waste my time on the urgent because it is urgent but in doing so, I also neglect the important. With all the many things on your plate right now, I hope you would be able to see which are the urgent and the important then you would know where to place your priority.