Sunday night I heard something that's really stuck with me. "Delayed obedience is still disobedience." To quote my little sister "Ouch, Amen". I never really thought about it like that but it's very true. The last couple of months I've felt like I've been a million miles away from God. Spiritually I've felt alone, left behind, and abandoned. Even though I know that God has promised to never leave me or forsaken me I just couldn't shake these feelings. A lot of times when God speaks something to me I'm like a rebellious child and I'll fight, kick, scream, and cry the whole time I'm doing what He tells me to do. I really hate to admit it but sometimes I won't listen to what He's telling me because it's not what I want. I pray for God to help me grow stronger and closer to Him but then I delay my obedience or just all together ignore Him. I don't know what's worse my disobedience or not realizing how disobedient that I've been. The last few weeks I've felt like I'm on a upswing and heading in the right direction. You know it's a wonderful thing to feel God's presence and the anointing of the Holy Ghost in the room but it's a whole different level to feel God's presence and the anointing of the Holy Ghost inside of you. I'm coming to a better understanding of the importance of being obedient, reading the Word, praying, and fasting. I've heard people talk about these things my whole life but until now I've never truly understood.
I want to end by giving honor where honor is due. Thank you Abba Father for keeping your hand upon me and my life. Thank you Jesus for being my Lord and Savior and for dying on the cross so that I could have eternal life. Thank you Holy Spirit for giving me guidance, discipline, comfort, and for being so much more to me than just a tongue talker.
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Delayed obedience. This is the first time I heard about this phrase too. I never thought about it that way too. Being far away from God, I think I have been very far away longer than you if it includes going to church. In some way, I still feel him inside my heart and I feel enough. This will be a long story. Perhaps I will write about it again.