Who we are today is the result of being who we were back then. Whether it's good or bad, our present has something to do with our past.
In this article, I am going to share with you my Then and Now version of myself. A comparison between who I was before vs who I am today.
Before: Suicidal
I was, unfortunately, one of the many who thought life wasn't worth living for. At an early age of 8 or 9, all I wanted was to end my life and let go of all the misery. However, this was all in the past. Now, I don't ever think of that anymore as I've got more reasons to live today.
Now: Optimistic
As I've said, I neither try nor think of ending my life anymore. Now, I've got more reasons to fight depression and try to be as optimistic as possible.
I guess it has also got to do with age. I am now more mature than ever. I may not look like a mature woman, but I am. Now, my mindset is always set on the bright side. Though sometimes, my hormones would try to test me, I know I can get rid of the negative vibes and become the happy version of myself again.
Before: Insecure
Yes, I was once an insecure woman before. I felt like I was no good at all. I tried to fit in but every time I did, I felt more and more miserable.
I was insecure because they are pretty. They can wear anything they want. They can enjoy life at its finest. They can do whatever they want. While I, on the other hand, can only do limited things.
I guess this is also the reason why I'm an introvert. I chose to stay away from the crowd than being part of the crowd only because I felt like I don't belong in this society.
Now: Self-love
I realized that the more you try to fit in, the more you lose yourself. So one day, I just woke up and decided to be me. The real me. Some people may not like to see my true self, but at least, the ones who stay are the people who are worth keeping for.
Now, I don't mind being different. I don't mind being someone who can only do limited things. I've already accepted my flaws and imperfections, and I don't care what they say.
Before: I wanted someone to love me
I used to dream of someone who would love me. I met a few but none were really true. After all those sad memories and broken promises, I finally got into my senses: love is not for everyone. Lol.
Now: I don't care anymore
Why do I feel like I sound bitter here? Lol. But seriously, I am not. I'm just okay being alone, I guess. I realized that if I was able to survive 3 long decades in life being single, there's no way I can't survive another 3 decades for that. Besides, being single isn't so bad after all.
Before: I get affected by their opinions
Words are powerful. It can make someone feeling dead inside. So please, be careful with your words.
Before, people would make laugh at me for being a person with a disability. Though I tried to look like I don't give a fnck, deep inside, I was hurting. Going to school and even to work had been some kind of torture for me most of the time. Luckily, I learned and mastered the power of deadma (ignoring people).
Now: IDGAF anymore
It's not that I don't care about people's opinions at all. It's just that I only pick which opinion matters. Now, I'm just busy building my future with Bitcoin Cash.
Closing thoughts
My past had been so difficult for me since I was a kid. No one knew my struggles because I never told any of my family about them. For many years, I kept my pain inside my heart and tried to bury them somewhere.
Despite all the experiences I had, I still thank God for all of those because I wouldn't be the woman I am today without any of my struggles.
Sorry I give you so lil, but I don't have more ... Reading your articles is so inspiring!!! This one specially made me look up to you Even More!!! But you know...from a mother of 4 opinion: if you had talked with your mommy, your family, they could have help. Seriously!!!! It would had been easier. From what I see we all struggle, we all have our "darkness". Pains me that you felt like that in a age where you should be playing happily, no care in the World. Nothing you can do to alter the pass, but you are doing everything right now. I'm not talking about money, but about self love and seeing how worth and Amazing you are. Please never forget this even if life brings you down in the future ❤️❤️