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Pain that pierces my heart (part 2)

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Written by   81
1 month ago

My mom was hospitalized for almost a month. She undergone 2 surgeries since the first operation was still building up some black part. Prior to her operation, I was really scared because the attending surgeon was telling me and my mom that if the first operation wouldn't be successful, he had no choice but to cut off my mom's lower leg. I wanted to cry during that time but I had to be strong for my mom. 

Few days after the operation when they had to open the dressing or the gauze, we all saw the black part. I was praying that there wouldn't be any black build up but there it was. Good thing that the doctor said that he will try to scrape off the black part just to save my mom's legs. So the second operation they have scraped off a huge part on her foot. 

But did you know that days before my mom's first scheduled operation she was still having chills and a fever to the point that I saw her eyes rolling when she was sleeping? I can say it was like a delirium but it was like she was having a nightmare as she was moaning. It happened 2 days in a row and during those times I was always awake since it was hard for me to sleep in a hospital especially if I am not the patient. I woke her up and asked her what her dream was about. She told me that she was at their house in Batangas and there was a man who was going inside but she doesn't know who as it was dark. I told her to tell me more about it because I did not want her to sleep again as she might have another nughtmare but after few minutes she had already fallen asleep. I just prayed that entire moment that she wouldn't have anymore nightmares. But it happened again the next night and that time I was able to take a live picture of her. I woke her up again but I didn't bother asking her about her nightmare. 

A couple of days later, her brother was rushed to the hospital and died of a heart attack after few days. It was very sudden that he doesn't even know that my mom was hospitalized. Then when I remembered my mom's dream, I realized that maybe it was her brother who was going inside their house in Batangas and that he was visiting my mom in her dream.  My only mistake was I did not ask my mom what her second nightmare was. 

2019 was really a very sad year for us but I am happy that my mom had recovered after half a year. Her healing was very slow that it took months for her wound to close just like with my surgery last year but we are not diabetic. 

My mom's post operation check up was every 3 days as they have to clean the wound. They wanted me to clean it but I was afraid because the wound was so narrow even if it was shallow. Then I saw how they cut some of the dead tissues on her wound without any anaesthesia that blood was slowly dripping from it. I saw how my mom was in so much pain that if only she isn't shy to shout, she would have done it. So when her wound was slowly becoming small, I was the one who cleaned it to save us from the check up and other hospital fees. I was gentle when cleaning my mom's wound. 

So what really happened to my mom? She had a small wound prior to our swimming. She didn't know that wounds can get infected in swimming pools or any water. Yes, wounds can get infected just like with leptospirosis. Actually we all didn't know that about wound. That is why if we have a wound, we have to clean it right away. We also didn't know that my mom had a wound. As per my mom, she got her wound when she saw a tiny pimple like bump on her foot and because it iritates her,she popped it with a sterilized needle. A small wound that became big. 

I don't know what would have happened to me if I something bad happened to her. I already felt guilty because it was I who invited my cousin's family so that we can have a bonding here at our house. I also blamed myself because I didn't encourage my dad more to bring my mom to the hospital right away. Even my brother was blaming me for what happened to our mom. If only I had a job that time, it wouldn't happen. Oh well, the damage has been done and I know we have all learned our lessons because of it

It is really hard to see our loved ones in a lot of pain. I remember that I would cry at the hospital when my mom was sleeping and then act strong after. Not only was I emotionally and mentally weak that time but I was also physically tired. My dad would pick me up in the morning after my mom had breafast. At home I would prepare food for my dad and our dogs, clean the places where our dogs peed because they don't listen to my dad even if he would tell them to go out of the house, take a bath and go back to the hospital. You can include bank, grocery and drug store errands in between those. One doctor even told the nurses that I shouldn't leave my mom even for a few hours. But what can I do? I was just alone. My brother can't take a leave from his work. So I begged my mom's sister if she can look after my mom as I was really tired with everything that was happening to us. I was really glad that she agreed to me. She was able to look after my mom for a few days as she was discharged after. 

This was the day she went home. Doggo who's really close to her was so happy to see her after almost a month. My mom loss a lot of weight. You can even see the IV cannulation or the IV catheter on her right hand because she still has a few sets of antibiotics to finish that needs to pass through IV. This photo was really heartbreaking for me because doggo was whimpering. But did you know that doggo didn't noticed my mom right away? LOL. Maybe because of my mom's sudden weightloss or that she smells like a hospital.

I have seen both my parents in pain. My mom in 2019 and my dad late last year. I mentioned about it in one of my articles. It really pains me to see them both in pain. I was witnessed to all of that and during those times I wanted to take away the pain that they were feeling but I couldn't. All I can do was to take care of them and pray for them to get better. I am just so glad that they are both ok now. I hope and pray that they will continue to be strong and healthy. I know how it feels to see our loved ones in pain and my advice is for you to be strong for them and always be there for them. They may not say it but I know that they highly appreciate your care, concern and efforts for them. Lastly, do not forget to pray even if you feel like giving up. Always know that God is listening to us. Never lose faith in Him.



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Written by   81
1 month ago
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So sad

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