Pain that pierces my heart (part 1)

Have you ever experienced seeing your loved ones in so much pain that you can't do anything to help them? I don't know if you have seen it on noise.cash but Tisay04, a user in noise.cash or @Leny-ynel here on read.cash is feeling it right now. She published an article that her baby accidentally had a scald burn. I saw the pictures that she uploaded on noise.cash and it made me remember what happened to my mom almost 2 years ago. 

What's suppose to be an enjoyable weekend vacation of my cousin's family and my mom's sister here on us turned out to be an unforgettable one. It was mid April when we decided to have a morning swim in our subdivision's clubhouse. We all had fun especially my cousin's toddler daughter. We decided to take a bath at our home and it was my mom who took a bath last. After a few hours, my cousin's wife decided to go to a mall. When we told my mom about it, she said that she wasn't feeling well and she feels like she's going to have a fever. She told her sister that I couldn't go with them because I need to take care of her. Honestly I wasn't really in the mood in going to the mall because my head was acting up that time. The night before when they arrived at our house I also had a migraine but I took a medicine. So I was able to welcome them. The next day it was acting up again. During that time our helper went home to her province so it was just me and my mom so we slept when our relatives were out. When they came back around dinner time, my mom still had a slight fever and as for me,  my migraine was gone.  

So when my cousin and his wife stood up late because we were drinking and catching, we were also monitoring my mom since the 2 of them are nurses. My mom's fever was on and off and all of us were thinking as to why she had fever. We thought that maybe she was tired and was still sweating when she dipped into the pool or maybe because she didn't took a shower right away after we swam. We had a lot of maybes but the following day, my mom was ok. No more fever and she was able to join us for breakfast and lunch. When evening came, she had a fever again. 

The day after that, I noticed that my mom's foot was a little swollen so I asked her what happened to her foot. When I checked, I saw that she had a wound so I instantly messaged our neighbor who was a doctor. She said that my mom had cellulitis and she prescibred us some medicines to buy. She said that we needed to let her drink the medicine right away since it has been days when she first started to have a fever and to prevent my mom to have a sepsis. I asked her what it is and she said blood infection and if that happens, it may lead to death. I was so afraid that I told my dad to drive me right away to the drug store. 

I was still calm during those times but a lot has been running through my mind. Some not so good what if's and at the same time I prayed for my mom to get better. After she drank a couple of the medicines, she didn't have any fever anymore thougb her foot became bigger and infected each passing day. Our neighbor visited my mom every other day to check up on her since my mom really couldn't stand up. My mom sleeps in my room so I was able to monitor her from time to time. There was even a time where I saw her peeing beside her bed because she said she couldn't make it to the bathroom. She woke me up because she was already at the floor and couldn't get up. She was really heavy although I am a few pounds heavier than her but it was really hard for me to carry her. My room smelled urine for a few days but the next morning I bought diapers and bed pad so that she doesn't have to pee on my bedroom floor. 

It took 2 weeks before we brought my mom to the hospital because she started to have rashes with one of the antibiotics that she took. Her feet wasn't swollen but when we went to the hospital, they said that it has already turned into gangrene. I only know of gangrene with the cigarette packs that I used to smoke back then. Honestly when I saw those pictures, I can't seem to know the connection of the gangrene of hands and feet to smoking. That is why I always chose the picture of the baby whem buying cigarette packs. The pictures in the cigarette packs abroad are better than ours. I haven't smoked in years so I don't know what pictures are on each packs but I hope they change it to something better.

According to wikipedia, Gangrene is a type of tissue death caused by a lack of blood supply. Symptoms may include a change in skin color to red or black, numbness, swelling, pain, skin breakdown, and coolness. The feet and hands are most commonly affected. 

In Tagalog, nabubulok. Yes, my mom's foot turned into black but not super black. It has red and black but the swollen and the watery bumps have slowly subside. We really didn't want to bring her to the hospital because she was already checked by our neighbor and the fact that we didn't have money for hospitalization which was really a very wrong move. I know that and I regret that I did not insists on it with my dad. My brother had told us to bring our mom to the hospital, my mom's sisters also said the same thing. It was actually easy to say but it is so hard to move if you don't have the money. 

I saw the pain that my mom had experienced during those times when I was still treating her here at home and when she was in the hospital. So when I saw Tisay04's post, I can't help but to remember what my mom had to go through all those months. It is really hard if you don't have money for emergencies like this that is why it is really important to have an emergency fund. Another lesson that I have learned with that experience was to go to the hospital right away. The moment that I saw my mom's swollen foot, we should have brought her to the hospital and get the proper treatment that she needs. 

It was actually hard to treat her here at home and at the same time I had to do all the house chores alone. From cooking, washing the dishes, cleaning, laundry and taking care of both my parents and our dogs. Though it was harder when my mom was at the hospital because my mind can't be at peace when I am there since I was also worrying about my dad and our dogs who were at the house and vice versa. That is why I really want to save a lot of money so I can have an emergency fund, a medical insurance, a life insurance and a savings fund. It is really hard to be penniless so as early as now I advice you to save up and remember health is really wealth.