Insecurities

In one of my articles, I know I have mentioned before that I have felt that I was an ugly duckling growing up and sometimes I even felt like I still am until now. I didn't like the color of my skin and I even didn't like ny curly hair. I have tried whitening lotions at an early age

Dark skinned, fair skinned or white skinned, our skin color has been one of the common issues of most girls while growing up. I admit that I have hated my skin when I was a kid. I know I was morena back then but when I looked backed at my pictures especially when I hit puberty, I felt like I was so dark. Though I have noticed that even if my classmates and friends were about 2 shades darker back then. I remember when I used to have my summer vacation at my grandmother's house, she would really bathe all of her grandchildren from eldest to youngest. We dread those days when she was in the mood because she would really scrub us so hard until she feels satisfied. She would even say that our parents never paid attention on how to bathe us because if they did, then we shouldn't be dark skinned. At an early age, I know that I was dark skinned. My aunt even called me Kirara back then. It was a GMA television show wherein the lead character had dark skinned and curly hair. That time I didn't know who Kirara was so when I watched it, I told myself that I was far from Kirara because she was darker than me but I agree that we both have curly hair. It was because of my relatives that's why I felt that I was different.

I had my insecurities at an early age. I wasn't comfortable with my skin color nor was I comfortable with my hair. I think I was in 4th or 5th grade when I started to tie my hair before going down the school bus because I did not want my classmates to see my curly hair. I was also a victim of bullying. They were making fun of my skin color and my hair.

But I was in high school when someone called me Mojacko. According to Wikipedia, Mojacko is a furseal-like alien. I started gaining weight when I was in 6th grade but because all of us have been classmates from preparatory to 6th grade so we already know the attitude and behaviour of each other. So stepping in a new school means dealing with new classmates and verbal abuse. Like I have said, I was called Mojacko. Back then I didn't know who that was so when I saw it on TV, I was sad because I know why she called me that. At first I didn't let it bother me because I don't know who Mojacko is. I admit I was affected when I saw that he was like a bouncing ball and that means I was that fat but my classmates told me how cute Mojacko is so it wasn't that hurtful anymore. However I can still remember that moment when she called me Mojacko and even asked me to say "Moja! Moja!" even up to this day. She wasn't even my classmate yet she called me that though she was my batchmate but she does not have any right to call me in a different name. No one has any right to call someone in different names especially if it can hurt someone else's feelings.

When I was in high school, I became more conscious of my looks. I hated everything about ne back then not only my skin color and hair but I have also started to hate my body and weight. Because of my weight, I was even selected to be a member of our batch's tug-of-war team. I saw that there were also people who were on the heavy side and some of them lacks self-confidence just like me but there were also those who doesn't care about their weight. They even wore makeups and you can see how confident they were no matter what their size and weight was. Slowly I was able to embrace my body that until my 4th year in high school where I was still a member of our batch's tug-of-war. I think we were even champions that year or I think not. I forgot. LOL.

My classmates were still teasing me even when I was in high school but I learned how to take each criticism. I know it was already considered as bullying but I did not let it affect me nor my mental health. Pick on me and I'll pick on you as well. Fair and square. Teasing for us has become normal but we know when we would stop and ask for forgiveness. We all didn't have any hard feelings when we bid our high school life. I was in college when I have learned to love my skin color and my hair. It was also when I was in college where I have dressed as a girl. LOL. But not dresses. It was just the usual basic tee or blouses. Didn't have any problem in high school because boyish looks or loose shirts and loose pants were somehow a trend for us. Though even if it isn't, I think I would still have worn loose shirts as it was what was comfortable for me because I didn't like fit shirts that emphasizes much on my fats. LOL.

I know most of us have once felt like an ugly duckling while growing up and probably we still do feel that way but not unlike before. The only advice I can give you is to embrace your own flaws and love yourself. I cannot guarantee that you wouldn't be affected if there will still be people who would be mean to you but what matters most is that you have a good heart and that you are beautiful inside and out. God created us all uniquely beautiful. Do not be insecure because even if the sexiest female or hottest male also battling with their own insecurities. Chin up, be proud and love yourself.