Beginning

The beginning doesn't always entail a happy memory, most of the time- in reality- it's something you wish to never speak of; a blur in the back of your head that you try hard to erase. 

Mostly like my very own tragic story.

Going to clubs was never an enticing idea to me; human contacts more than anything unnerved me. The feeling of someone's rancid sweat in your skin or someone's sour breath in your face was never an appealing sensation. In my line of perspective, it was obscene seeing bodies grinding together like slithering worms in a pool of salty water, showering with sexual hormones.

But I have no choice, never would again. It wasn't my undoing and so I led myself to believe from then on.

Unintelligible words of a modern song-- Rap as they call it-- from an artist I barely knew traveled through the walls, bouncing back and forth like an endless rally of a tennis ball. It barreled to the brains of the soaked bodies, dancing through the heavy mist: cigarette smoke and something sweet that would make you high. With a step, it all welcomed me in-- a world that only exists within its boundaries, an enclosed haven to a few.

It was at the far east side of the town, at the very edge of a not so good neighborhood. 

I wasn't supposed to be there, people might say but it didn't bother me. I came for a specific task only: to seek and to conquer. It was the perfect place to see new faces, meet unexpected friends and be just you-- no one matters but yourself. It was just me and me alone.

The song shifted into a more solemn one.

You'll never know what hit you

Won't see me closing in

I'm gonna make you suffer

This Hell you put me in

I'm underneath your skin

The devil within

You'll never know what hit you...

A glass in hand and the best smile plastered on my face, I fought my way through the grinding bodies and swayed my hips to the beat of the music as it put a hole in my head. I erased my concept of reality as I let my body flow with the rhythm of the upbeat song. I closed my eyes and think of nothing else, of no one else. It was just me and the song.

The world spanned around: a roller coaster ride of a hundred pulsating bodies. And for the first time, I felt free and alive. I erased the remainder of who I was outside and I float through the air.

Though hurting my eyes, I still grinned at the blinking lights of red and green. I was hyped up with the moment and everything was unexpected.

The glass in my hand connected to my lips-- I hadn't noticed I have one too many. My vision became blurry, disorientation overpowered me, and with a wrong step in to right. I lost my footing and toppled down, spilling the half-empty glass.

"Sorry I didn't mean to, I drank too many margaritas," I said, slurring my words to the girl showered with the drink.

A beam of glare was sent to my direction, concern etched in the girl's face for her ruined dress. 

Unknowingly, I fished out tissue in my bag, offered it to the girl only to get my hand slapped in return. She scowled and made her exit, overly dragging her red stilettos on the tiled floor. 

Bitch, I thought as I watched her retreating back, following the whites of her head until it disappeared to the many inside the club. Consequently, a giggle escaped my mouth: a clear sign of my drunken state.

I closed my eyes and stopped for a while. The endless motion of bumping and grinding my body was too dragging. Two whole hours into it and I felt exhausted.

No one seemed to be interested in me. I didn't want to lose hope. I shook my head and made my way to the bar: sitting at the only vacant stool. I cradled my hurting mien with both hands. 

The notion that something might be wrong with how I look was unacceptable. Surely, it cannot be the outfit that took me an eternity to chose. I may not be exposing a lot of skin like the whores on the dance floor, but in a fit black short dress, hitting just below my butt and killer boots. I could win anyone's taste buds.

Ugh. I groaned. It cannot be my face. Who would not want someone with red auburn hair, big green eyes, and a perfect smile? It wasn't my body either. I may be lacking in the height department but I got all the right curves.

Then what?

It hit me then, I was too young, a seventeen-year-old who has gotten inside the club through a fake ID. 

I sighed helplessly. The blasting music added to the incessant thinking was making my pounding head worse-- five glasses was never a good idea. The alcohol was getting a good toll.

Ugh. Another groan escaped my mouth as I massaged my temple, easing myself some of the tensions building up inside. I couldn't let the night end, leaving me empty-handed, there has to be someone out there.

"Coldwater might help," a guy's voice said in my behind me.

I looked up to see a guy offering a glass of water in my direction. He looked awfully handsome. A white V-neck shirt that made me thought of a bursting balloon looked absolutely good on him, showing his sculpted chest and bulging muscles-- a god. I traveled my eyes further down, a smile curved on my lips like the bulging view. 

Finally, someone worth all the effort.

The guy cleared his throat and I met his eyes. It was as blue as an ocean, a tantalizing one, making me feel the slow rocking motions of the tide. 

I hesitated to reach for the glass. The guy might be a sicko who would likely kill me. But it was all-natural in the place I am and I needed something to cleanse my head so I grabbed the water while sending the guy my best smile. 

I emptied it with one gulp. I hadn't thought of being thirsty until then. The guy sat down beside me with a questioning look. I raised my brows, mirroring him and I was about to say something when out of a sudden...

Everything.

Went.

Numb.

And.

I.

Blacked.

Out.

I should have listened with my instinct, I thought at the last second as the darkness took over, swallowing me into its endless depth. 

Author's Notes: I'm really tired this days. It feels like I'm running and running but nowhere to go. Huhu