@bam94
Back after a break. Let's get back to the old level. Lol:: Q. What did the male volcano say to the female volcano? A. Do you lava me like i lava you!
@bam94
@bam94 in December 2021
@bam94
@bam94
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny? Little Johnny replied, "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."
@bam94
Q: why did the football coach go to the bank ? A: to get his quarterback!
@bam94
I seem to be into word plays this week, but this one is cute, isn't it, and maybe also something to meditate on from an existential point of view: Why didn't the Clam share his candy? Because he was Shellfish.
@bam94
This one is evil and not politically correct. Sorry in advance. (sending two today because I'll disappear for the week-end): What do you call a one legged ballarina's costume? A One-One (Send me a message if you don't get this one, I'll clear it up)
@bam94
Patient: "Doctor, I used to think I was a dog, but I reckon I'm cured now-wow-wow!" Doctor: "I see. How long did you have this complaint?" P: "Ever since I was a puppy." D: "Interesting. Well, just lie on the couch there." P: "But I'm not allowed on the couch..."
@bam94
A pirate walks into a pub. Another patron, having never met a pirate before, wants to know the stories behind the battle scars. He buys the pirate a pint, and strikes up a conversation. "How'd you get the peg leg?" "Shark took off me leg in the South Seas." "How about that hook?" "Lost the hand in a sword fight." "And the eye patch?" "Seagull pooped in me eye." "Are seagull droppings really that dangerous?" "No, but it were me first day with the hook."
@bam94
A man goes into a pub and sees his best friend playing chess with a dog. He says "That's a very clever dog you've got there!" to which his friend replied, "He's not that clever, he doesn't often win!"
@bam94
Here an angry boyfriend joke for today: I told the rescue parapet the wrong blood type for my ex-girlfriend. Now she will experience firsthand how it feels to be rejected.
@bam94
A little bit of black humour: Classified ad: Offer parachute; never opened; some red spots.
@bam94
Sorry poor pets, here comes a mean dog joke: What is the name of a dog without legs?? It really doesn't matter what such a dog's name is. If you call him, he won't come anyway!
@bam94
I guess this is what you call some bad omen: If a man in a white coat comes into the hospital room and asks the patient: "How big are you??" Patient: "1 meter 80, doctor." Man: "I am not the doctor, I am the carpenter.
@bam94
The true joys of marriage... A man wants to jump out of the window and kill himself. Suddenly his wife comes out of the kitchen and says: "Ahh wait a minute...excellent timing! Just you take the garbage with you on the way down, please."
@bam94
Father: "Darling, give me the baby?" Mother:" We have to wait until it cries!" Father: "Huh, why?" Mother:" Because I don't know where I put it."
@bam94
A magician is very happy because he has got a job on the Titanic. So he gets on the ship, and that night he does his act in front hundreds of people but doesn't get very far for his parrot keeps giving away the answers "It's under the table. It's up his sleelve. It's behind his back." The magician goes off the stage very depressed, and this happened again and again and again until one night, unfortunaly, the ship hit an ice-berg and sank! Luckily, the magician and his parrot…
@bam94
Some good thinking... Guy is sitting in a bar. A beautiful woman walks in. She's a knock-out and he can't take his eyes off her. She notices him and smiles. She sashays over and sits beside him. She looks into his eyes and tells him, "For $200 I'll do anything you want." He's astounded. "Anything?!", he asks her. "Yes, _anything_!", she replies. He takes out his wallet and slaps $200 on the bar. "Here's $200. Paint my house!"
@bam94
Quick no-brainer: What is the leading cause of dry skin? Towels.
@bam94
New ways for weatherforecasting.. totally eco-friendly, but a bit cruel.... To Tell the weather, Go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like…
@bam94
Oh.. this.. wonderful (well Ihappen to be an engineer, actutally..) A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they went to the flagpole with a ladder and measuring tape. They keep falling off the ladder, dropping the tape and the whole thing is in a mess. An engineer comes along and sees what they are trying to do. He walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lay it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement…