Anger control

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when a person loses control in anger, it can become destructive ...

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when a person loses control in anger , it can become destructive and lead a person into problems, for example at work, in emotional relationships, and generally impair quality of life.

The nature of anger

Anger is an emotional state that ranges from mild irritation to intense anger.

Like other emotions, anger is accompanied by physiological and biological changes. When you get angry, the number of heartbeats per minute and blood pressure increase, as well as the level of the so-called energy hormones adrenaline and noradrenaline.

Anger can be caused by external and internal events. You may be angry at a specific person (for example, a boss or a co-worker) or at an event (traffic jam, failed to pass an exam in college) or when a person is worried and rumbling about their own psychological problems. Remembering some traumatic events, or situations in which we have been angry in the past can repeatedly provoke anger.

Expressing anger

An instinctive and natural way to express anger is aggressive behavior. Anger is an adaptive way of responding to a threat, and it triggers strong, often aggressive behaviors that allow a person to fight an attacker. A certain level of anger is, therefore, necessary for survival.

However, with ordinary everyday human problems, there is no need to physically deal with the "attacker". It is not possible, nor is it useful to attack every person or object that irritates or frustrates a person. Social norms, laws, and common sense restrict people from expressing anger.

Some people, however, find it harder to control their anger than others. One reason may be sociocultural learning: anger is often assessed as negative, so people are taught that it is wrong to express anger. As a result, people do not learn to express constructive anger. The second reason is genetic or physiological: some children are born more irritable and sensitive, and such signs are present from an early age. Research has shown that the family environment plays an important role: people who get angry more easily come from families with broken relationships and who are chaotic and clumsy in emotional communication .

It is very important to learn how to show anger correctly, ie in a controlled way. Anger should not be suppressed because its accumulation can cause strong emotional tension, or lead to a burst of anger.

When we look at someone who is overwhelmed with rage, it seems to us that he is in the power of some powerful and unpredictable force that rules his life for him. Anger is generally manifested in several ways, and the three listed are also the most common:

Passive anger - This, otherwise very common form of anger, we have when a person is boiling with anger or rage, and in society he behaves quite normally without showing any external signs of his condition. The reasons why someone suppresses anger and rage vary from simple insecurity to pathological fear. Wrong upbringing also plays an undoubted role in this.

Aggressive anger - It is directed directly at the interlocutor, it is marked by noise and rudeness, and in extreme situations an enraged person destroys everything around him, either verbally or physically. The reason for this reaction is the inability or lack of self-control. In such cases, it is advisable to seek professional help.

Controlled anger - It comes to the fore when a person consciously expresses his anger in words, taking care not to hurt the interlocutor. Rational thinking and finding a logical solution is the only evaporating way to deal with anger and rage.

People use different conscious and unconscious processes to deal with negative feelings. There are three main approaches that people use in trying to channel anger:

• expression, suppression and calming
  

Expressing anger in an assertive and non-aggressive way is the healthiest way. In order for a person to use this way of expressing anger, he must know his desires and needs and ways to realize them without harming others. Being assertive means respecting yourself and others.

Anger can also be suppressed, changed and redirected. This happens when you keep anger to yourself, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive.

The main goal is to inhibit or suppress anger and change it into a constructive form of behavior. The danger in this form of anger control is that we can redirect it to ourselves if we don’t channel it properly. Anger that a person redirects to themselves can lead to arterial hypertension and depression.

Anger control

The main goal of anger management is to reduce both the emotional response and the physiological arousal caused by anger. You can’t avoid people or situations that irritate you nor can we change them, but that’s why we can learn to control our reactions .

Some people are really more of a "short fuse" than others, get angry much more easily than others and this anger is more intense than the average person.

Also, there are people who do not show their anger in a loud and aggressive way, but are chronically irritable and grumble. People who get angry easily don’t always swear or throw things away, sometimes withdraw, become socially isolated, and become physically ill.

Is it good to get the anger out of you?

Experts agree that this is a dangerous myth that some people use to justify their anger. Research has shown that in this way the situation is not resolved but that the anger escalates to anger and that it calms neither the angry person nor calms the person you are angry at.

It is best to find the "triggers" of your own anger and then develop a strategy to prevent the "triggers" from coming to the fore.

Relaxation and breathing

exercises By practicing and regularly applying simple relaxation techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation and breathing exercises and autogenic training, you will find it easier to do the right thing in tense situations.

Here are some guidelines that are effective and very simple:

• Breathe deeply (repeat words that will relax you, for example “relax, calm down”).

• Imagine a situation where you feel calm and comfortable, either from experience or from imagination.

• Write down on paper everything that upsets and upsets you because the brain is then focused on writing, and we can think more rationally. We should not be surprised if during the writing we conclude that the situation was not as disturbing as we initially thought.

• Engage in physical activity. The vast majority realized that after training they felt much better than before. Physical exertion absorbs anger and utilizes it as a propellant.

• Get involved in some form of humanitarian work. The realization that you have helped someone in you will evoke a sense of serenity and satisfaction. In this way, you will remove the accumulated stress and anger in you.

Cognitive restructuring

Cognitive restructuring involves identifying and altering cognitive distortions. Angry people tend to use swear words and curses and use very pictorial terms that describe their inner world. When a person is angry at the content the opinions are often exaggerated and dramatic thoughts. It’s important to replace such dysfunctional thoughts with more rational ones for example instead of telling ourselves “all this is horrible and scary, everything is ruined” it should be said “this is frustrating, and of course I’m upset about it, but it’s not the end of the world and anger anyway it won't solve anything. "

You should be careful in using the terms "never" and "always" when talking about yourself or other people. Such generalizations are incorrect , and the angry person thus justifies his anger. This approach to other people also alienates and humiliates people who are willing to help solve problems.

Repeat to yourself that anger will not resolve anything and that expressing anger will not make you feel better (moreover, you will often feel worse).

Logic defeats anger, because anger even when justified can quickly become irrational.

Repeat to yourself "that the world is not hostile" and that you are just going through "a few small pieces of everyday life." Angry people often demand something: to be treated fairly, to be respected, to agree with them, to be handled in their own way.

All people love and want the same and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don’t achieve this, but angry people ultimately demand that they be granted, and when they don’t get it, their disappointment transforms into anger.

As part of cognitive restructuring, angry individuals must become aware of their “demanding” nature and translate their expectations into desires . In other words, saying "I would like" is healthier than "I demand" or "I must have." If you do not get what you want you will experience normal reactions - frustration, disappointment, pain, but not anger. Some people use anger to avoid being hurt.

Problem Solving

Sometimes our anger and frustrations are caused by real and inevitable problems in life. Not every anger is inappropriate and is often a healthy, natural response to such problems. There is a cultural belief that every problem has its solution which increases our frustration because it is not always so. The best attitude in such a situation is not to focus on finding a solution but to face and deal with the problem. A plan needs to be made and progress checked all the way. Decide to give your best and avoid self-punishment if we don’t have an answer to the problem right away.

If the problem is approached with the best of intentions and efforts, and if we are seriously confronted, we are less likely to lose patience and fall into the trap of thinking “all or nothing” even if the problem is not resolved immediately.

Better communication

Angry people often tend to jump in front of the ore and act on hasty conclusions that are often very vague. The first step, if you are in a "hot head" situation , is to slow down and think about your answers to that situation. Don’t say the first thing that comes to mind in that situation but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say.

At the same time, listen to the other person speaking and take enough time before answering. Recognize what is hidden beneath anger . For example, you like a certain level of freedom and space to act, and your partner wants more closeness and connection. If he complains about your actions, don’t immediately label your partner as a jailer and prison guard and accuse him of suffocating you. It’s natural to be defensive when you’re criticized, but don’t retaliate aggressively. Instead, recognize what lies beneath those words: your partner’s message is that he may feel neglected and unloved. Maybe it takes a lot of patienceand questioning on your part, but don’t let go of your anger toward your partner because the discussion will go in the wrong direction and out of control. If you manage to stay calm you will prevent the situation from escalating.

Using humor

Using humor can reduce anger in a number of ways.

When you are angry and call a person derogatory names or label them in imaginary terms one should stop and imagine a picture of what that word literally means. For example, if we angrily called a co-worker a "monkey," imagine a picture of a monkey sitting with you in an office at a computer, talking on the phone, and so on. You do this every time you label someone, and you can even draw a picture. This way should blunt the blade of anger, and humor can be used to reduce tension in a particular situation.

Angry people tend to feel that they are always right from a moral standpoint and that any interference or change in their plans is actually an attack on their dignity and that they must not suffer in such a way. Maybe other people, but they don’t.

When angry persons feel the need, they should imagine an image of themselves as a superior divine being who rules over everything they see around them and that others must obey their desires. The more details I can imagine in my imagination, the greater the chance that they will see how unimportant and irrational the things they are angry about are. When using humor, two things need to be kept in mind: it’s not good to just laugh at your problems, it’s better to use humor in a way that helps yourself cope better with the problem. Second, don’t use cynical and sarcastic humor which is just another form of unhealthy expression of anger.

What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take oneself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion and is often accompanied by ideas that, if looked closely, can provoke laughter.
 
Changing the environment

Sometimes it is in our environment that the cause of our irritation and anger is found. The problems and responsibilities we face can make us feel like we have fallen into a trap, and that all other people and things are part of that trap that keeps us trapped. Take a break. Provide time just for yourself especially for those parts of the day that are especially stressful for you. The period of just fifteen minutes you take for yourself helps you prepare better and deal better with the problems that follow.

Assertiveness Training

It is true that some angry people need to learn how to be assertive . Often, assertiveness training is provided for those individuals who are withdrawn, who have low self-esteem and self-esteem, and who are too angry. Such people are more passive and obey other people more than some average person. That’s not the way most angry people react.

In conclusion it can be said that anger cannot be completely avoided and that it would not be good if something like this were possible. Situations in which we will be angry cannot be avoided, and sometimes it will be justified anger. In life, we often encounter pain, loss, and unpredictable reactions from others. We can’t change that, but what we can change is how it affects us and how we will deal with such situations. Anger control can improve our quality of life in the long run and reduce the chance of us feeling unhappy.