As they say, "Write to express, not to impress." But aren't we all just being in denial? In denial of the fact that deep inside we want anyone or someone to be impressed because of what we wrote. We don't exactly want them to be amazed, what we truly want is for them to understand the emotions we invest in the stories we write. Yes, that's exactly what I want. I'm Yvonne, 22 years old from the Philippines and this is my story.
I was four years old when I learned how to write. My father said that I kept on taking the boxes of the medicines they buy and copy the letters on a piece of paper. I was five years old when I entered kindergarten and that also marked the day I first wore the mask that hid my real self.
It was fun at first, of course, everything feels fun in the first few days but as time passes by, you'll eventually realize how awful it feels to be left out. At a young age, I started thinking of ways to keep people around me. Ways that can possibly make them care for me more than I care for them. But looking back, I realized how pathetic I was as a kid. How self-centered I looked back then. How lonely it felt to be someone that you're not.
I'm well aware that regrets come after every decision you make. Despite knowing that, I still chose to rip myself to pieces in order to fit in the community I've been dreaming to be in. I spent countless of times stepping down on my real self while the fake one rises. My fake laugh filling the room while they continue to make fun of me.
It was awful back then, yes. But I don't regret most of it because it made me who I am today. And today's me is a much stronger person than before. My current self is the outcome of my past scars. What I learned the most are ways on how I can convert the pain, the sadness, the happiness that I feel into stories that can empathize with anyone.
Welcome. Don't be so hard on yourself. Every child has a right to behave like a child