Not all comebacks are epic

Worst Christmas gift

It is Sunday,and I am lying on our bed scrolling through my news feed while responding and commenting to each post made by a friend wishing them a happy holiday. As our neighbors loudly celebrate, our house is silent. Why? We are done celebrating, and it is now two in the morning on the 25th.

I was scrolling through my feed when a notification revealed that my friend Pau had messaged me. My hands froze, and I started breathing heavily. I stared blankly at the ceiling, wondering twice if I was ready for it.

"It is already posted", Pau said.

Ever since the semester ended, I have been thinking of my grades, and I cannot even enjoy the Christmas break and relax my mind because of these endless thoughts. I am a 4th year Engineering student, and if I fail one of my major subjects this semester, that would mean that I won't be able to take two of my subjects next semester, and with that, I won't be able to graduate on time.

I logged on to my student portal, but I don't have the courage to click on the grades.

I fell asleep.

I woke up three hours later and decided to look. I said to myself, "You did your best; the result is final, and even if you prolong seeing it, nothing will change." Now it's either red or green.

In my entire life, I have never seen a red mark on my card.

"...."

I looked up at the ceiling, and as tears flowed through my eyes,

It was not enough.

A month earlier

"Should I drop this subject? I feel like I won't be able to make it."

"If you drop it now, the possibility of passing the subject will be zero. There's no harm in trying." -K

"What if you pass during the finals? won't you regret it if you drop it now? -A

I am having a dilemma: should I accept my fate that I won't graduate at the same time as my friends? I'm tired and burned out. I'm trying; I want to make my family proud, but I feel like everything is too much for me now.

This semester is tough for me; we had no vacation due to the internship, and right after was the start of the school year. We had no rest.

Classes started in an online format but switched to face-to-face classes in the middle of the semester. Adjusting in such a short period of time is really hard. We even had financial problems because I had to move to an apartment nearby the school for convenience. Our house is two hours away from school. I had to find a budget in order to move out while the midterm exam was coming. Problems keep piling up; I can't focus on a single thing. Everything bothers me.

Thanks to my boyfriend, who helped me complete my expenses in order to move in, and also for the never-ending efforts of my Mother, I was able to transfer to my small apartment.

But the Obstacles did not end there.

I was alone; some times I was productive, but everything kept hunting me. Problems at home and in school. I just find myself crying almost every day. I don't know what to do. Can I make it? I want to graduate on time. I have been doing my best up until now to be a regular student. This was supposed to be the last year. Why now.

I tried

I still continued to take my classes in every subject I had; I didn't drop any. Even though I knew that the loads were too much for me and that I had shortcomings in some subjects, I still took the chance.

During the finals, my studio-type apartment was full of formulas posted on my walls. I wake up early and sleep late just to finish my tasks and review my lessons. I did everything I could. I did not go home during the weekends to save time. There were times when I could not even eat. I won't even go out of my apartment as long as I have my needs met in my room. I was a total loner just to make up for everything.

My friend and I lead our group in the laboratories. Back then, my laptop was old and slow; I had to borrow it from my boyfriend at times.

Our Research was a burden, and all the tasks are due almost in the same week. We even had to take quizzes after succeeding exams in a day.

It is even a luxury to take a rest during those times.

I knew I did well in my finals. But,

Not all comebacks are epic

I did my best, but it was too late. My midterms were so bad that my finals could not save them.

Failed. And it was in a red font.

I can't even cry loudly; I don't want to ruin their Christmas. It's enough that mine was shattered.

It was time for breakfast, and everyone was calling me. I just sat in my swivel chair while I leaned and covered my face with my arms. "I'm not hungry; I'll just eat later." That's what I kept telling them.

Just let me feel this moment, And I promise I will rise back up again.

I can't make you proud now, but I will. Soon.