On December 16, 2019, I was at a bar finding out that the dad who raised me wasn't my dad at all. I was staring at a name, in black and white, on 23andMe. Next to the name said, "50% DNA Match - Father." My best friend was frozen in shock as I asked her over and over, "Am I seeing this right?"
On March 14, 2021, I was laughing on the phone with my biological father, the person whose name I read that INSANE night in December. We were laughing about Bitcoin.
HOW DID I GET HERE?
Here is one path of what to do if you discover you have a secret biological family:
1) Remain calm. Why? Because you will want to scream and laugh and cry and punch things. But none of that will do any good because, well, this is surely going to change your life and you need to get started putting the pieces together right away (if that is what you want).
2) Call 23andMe. Is this true? They will likely say yes. They will also escalate your call to a therapist-like voice on the other end to assure you that the test is correct. They will also try to console you and say, "This happens more often than you think."
3) Call your parent and/or guardian who is the other bio parent—and then ask them if they are aware of the person and if there is anything they would like to tell you. • Great in theory, but my mother did not admit it right away. I also called a family member to confirm that I wasn't adopted. Did they see my mother pregnant? I needed to know. Confirmed. But mother still denying she knew the name. That may happen to you. And if it does, heed the next step:
4) You are allowed time to think about this. In that time of thinking, I looked up my biological family online. I found out pretty much everything I needed to know about them. My best friend found their social profiles. Seeing them and seeing how much I resembled them made it very real. I also discovered that my bio dad was not a stranger - he was someone in a distant family friend orbit. This made my situation easier to understand and put together.
Also in this time of thinking my emotions ran the gamut: from IRATE to curious, relieved knowing I wasn't crazy for thinking since I was young that I didn't belong in the family who wasn't actually my biological family to sad that I am not blood-related to my cousins, or my father.
5) Do something or nothing. But keep an open mind. What you do is really dependent on what you are looking for. I was looking for the truth and some kind of closure. Not even a relationship, although that did end up happening. Since my mom didn't admit it at first, I needed to know - does everyone know but me? I kept my 23andMe profile open to messages and eventually, a biological sister wrote to me. I debated if I should respond, is this a betrayal, etc...everyone has their own personal journey. I did and I now have a personal relationship with my bio family. I know I am lucky since not everyone will have such a positive response.
6) You will feel fractured. This is normal. You will be upset that your life is a lie. You will want to know more about who you are. How did this happen? But remember: you are still you. All of it made you. Here you are. *Hugs*
What does Bitcoin have to do with this insanity?
I never really had the same interests or demeanor or talents or skill sets as my family. I never questioned why. I just thought I was an odd duck. I am ambitious almost to my detriment...sometimes it would cause problems in my relationships. I didn't understand why I felt so different.
It turns out my biological family members are MAJOR NERDS and incredibly competitve. They collect things, they're into tech, crypto, stocks, etc. They built their wealth on their own - they were poor growing up and a minority in a mostly Caucasian farming community - and now they have a wonderful home overlooking a valley with their own little vineyard. Not easy for someone who immigrated as a child and worked in the fields for part of their life.
I bought my biological father some coins for his birthday. It was the longest phone call we've had to-date. He had no idea I was into Bitcoin and when we started talking about it, it was the most natural and fun conversation we ever had.
Bitcoin brought us closer :)
