What to do if you find a 23andMe Surprise...(& Bitcoin Connection)
On December 16, 2019, I was at a bar finding out that the dad who raised me wasn't my dad at all. I was staring at a name, in black and white, on 23andMe. Next to the name said, "50% DNA Match - Father." My best friend was frozen in shock as I asked her over and over, "Am I seeing this right?"
On March 14, 2021, I was laughing on the phone with my biological father, the person whose name I read that INSANE night in December. We were laughing about Bitcoin.
HOW DID I GET HERE?
**Here is one path of what to do if you discover you have a secret biological family:**
1) Remain calm. Why? Because you will want to scream and laugh and cry and punch things. But none of that will do any good because, well, this is surely going to change your life and you need to get started putting the pieces together right away (if that is what you want).
2) Call 23andMe. Is this true? They will likely say yes. They will also escalate your call to a therapist-like voice on the other end to assure you that the test is correct. They will also try to console you and say, "This happens more often than you think."
3) Call your parent and/or guardian who is the other bio parent—and then ask them if they are aware of the person and if there is anything they would like to tell you. • Great in theory, but my mother did not admit it right away. I also called a family member to confirm that I wasn't adopted. Did they see my mother pregnant? I needed to know. Confirmed. But mother still denying she knew the name. That may happen to you. And if it does, heed the next step:
4) You are allowed time to think about this. In that time of thinking, I looked up my biological family online. I found out pretty much everything I needed to know about them. My best friend found their social profiles. Seeing them and seeing how much I resembled them made it very real. I also discovered that my bio dad was not a stranger - he was someone in a distant family friend orbit. This made my situation easier to understand and put together.
Also in this time of thinking my emotions ran the gamut: from IRATE to curious, relieved knowing I wasn't crazy for thinking since I was young that I didn't belong in the family who wasn't actually my biological family to sad that I am not blood-related to my cousins, or my father.
5) Do something or nothing. But keep an open mind. What you do is really dependent on what you are looking for. I was looking for the truth and some kind of closure. Not even a relationship, although that did end up happening. Since my mom didn't admit it at first, I needed to know - does everyone know but me? I kept my 23andMe profile open to messages and eventually, a biological sister wrote to me. I debated if I should respond, is this a betrayal, etc...everyone has their own personal journey. I did and I now have a personal relationship with my bio family. I know I am lucky since not everyone will have such a positive response.
6) You will feel fractured. This is normal. You will be upset that your life is a lie. You will want to know more about who you are. How did this happen? But remember: you are still you. All of it made you. Here you are. *Hugs*
What does Bitcoin have to do with this insanity?
I never really had the same interests or demeanor or talents or skill sets as my family. I never questioned why. I just thought I was an odd duck. I am ambitious almost to my detriment...sometimes it would cause problems in my relationships. I didn't understand why I felt so different.
It turns out my biological family members are MAJOR NERDS and incredibly competitve. They collect things, they're into tech, crypto, stocks, etc. They built their wealth on their own - they were poor growing up and a minority in a mostly Caucasian farming community - and now they have a wonderful home overlooking a valley with their own little vineyard. Not easy for someone who immigrated as a child and worked in the fields for part of their life.
I bought my biological father some coins for his birthday. It was the longest phone call we've had to-date. He had no idea I was into Bitcoin and when we started talking about it, it was the most natural and fun conversation we ever had.
Bitcoin brought us closer :)
I Saw Your Astral Projection
It was a dark and stormy night---just kidding, it was the middle of summer and the AC was on.
I live in a 3-story condo with my partner. The "ground floor" level is the common spaces and where you walk up to the front door, the lower floor is where our master and guest bedrooms are, and the upper floor is a loft space. At the time we had a puppy and we would close the bedroom door so she wouldn't wander around the house in the middle of the night.
I randomly woke up one night around 3 am. I know I was awake. Anyone who has heard me tell this story asks, "Are you sure you were awake?" I. Am. Positive. As my eyes opened, I saw the door to our bedroom open swiftly, pause as if it was caught by someone's hand, and then close softly. It even bounced twice. I got out of bed because I thought our puppy may have escaped our bedroom somehow. I approached the door, opened it, and looked up the stairs (to the common areas). Our night light upstairs illuminated the stairway. No puppy. No partner. No noise. Nothing.
I look back at our bed. My partner is still in bed. Our puppy is also still in the room, staring at me, like, "What tf are you doing?"
I look back up the stairs and think to myself, "No problem. It was just [Parnter's Name." I go back to sleep.
In the morning my partner asks me why the bedroom door is open since he knows he closed it before sleeping. I say I opened it in the middle of the night. He pauses but I say nothing more.
It is now evening and I am still working. My partner meanders into my office and asks once more why the door to the bedroom was open. I finally tell him what I saw the night before and ask why he is still curious about it.
He said he had a dream that he got up from bed, opened the door, catches the door (just like I saw it happen), and then walked up the stairs. So when he woke up that morning he was confused about why the door was open when he clearly knew it was a dream.
Our conclusion: maybe I watched his astral body walk upstairs.
*insert shocked emojis here*
Anyone else have a similar experience? Tell me your stories.
My Lip Blush (aka Lip Tattoo) Experience & Saline Tattoo Removal
Let me tell you the story about how I almost messed up my lips for life. Lucky for me, all the stars aligned and I was able to get help ASAP (no thanks to the actual internet, but thanks to IG) - so I figured I'd write this up in case someone out there either (a) needs a reason to stay away from lip blushing, or (b) got a botched lip blush/reaction and needs to remove it ASAP.
First, it's important for me to say that I am not one of those people that gets beauty things done to myself often, if ever. I bought myself a lip blush session before the pandemic hit because I thought it was pretty, and would be a great way to save time getting ready and money on lip gloss, etc. A year after COVID, places started opening up in my city and I decided I didn't want to waste the deposit I put down (even though I wasn't as hyped on it after a year of waiting)...so I went anyway.
**Always trust your instincts.**
The lip blush artist gave me bad vibes. I should have known better way before I was able to look in the mirror and see it for myself...but that is a different story path. **I am here to help you, not to talk smack about her.** After all, it was my choice to do this stupid lip blush. As she was tattooing my lips, I didn't feel as much pain as I thought. That is probably because I was having a VERY BAD REACTION to the lip pigment. Eventually, she said—in a very weird, unprofessional way—she was going to stop. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked like an inflated Bratz doll. My lips were like 7 times the size as usual. I took a photo of myself and when I looked at it later, I noticed my eyes were also swollen.
I went home that afternoon in shock. I gave it a few hours and then looked up some stuff on Google only to find that my lips were...not...normal looking after this lip blush session. Immediately, I went to the lip blush artist's competition and wrote to them on IG. They laid out point-by-point all the things they saw wrong with the application. Not only did she aggressively apply the pigment, which totally inflamed and bruised my lips very badly, but she also over-drew my lip-line. For reference, if they overdraw your lip-line, the pigment will stay on your skin longer than your lips. It would give you the old, crusty lipliner look without the pigment inside your lips to match.
I freaked out.
They referred me to a studio that does "Saline Tattoo Removal." I never heard of it before (obviously did not have a reason to look it up before) but some lip blush artists will offer to "correct the overdrawn line" or remove the ink but it will leave your lips bloody and raw. Saline tattoo removal is a more gentle way to remove tattoos. It involves a natural elixir/solution created by her as well as saline removal with the tool. You can try it at any time after tattooing (it may take many sessions) but since my lip blush was so fresh I was able to get 75% of the pigment off the first time. Your lips scab over but are not actively bleeding. It takes about 4-7 days for the scabs to fully slough off. In about 10 days your lips will be almost back to normal.
While I was in the room with her she said I should go to the doctor because it looked like I had a rash on my upper lip (and yes, on top of it all, she said the botched job could've given me herpes) and that I was actually having a bad allergic reaction. I went to the doctor immediately after the removal session and got blood tests done (no herpes! thank goodness) as well as confirmation that I was, indeed, allergic to the pigment used.
So. If you ever have a botched tattoo job and it is within 24 hours, put vaseline or Aquaphor on it and book yourself an emergency saline tattoo removal session. If it is past the 24 hours, you can still get it though you may have to wait 4 weeks to heal. After those 4 weeks, you may need multiple sessions since the pigment likely set in.
My mistake is your future wisdom.
