It's 2AM. And I'm lying on my bed with my eyes closed. My blanket is hugging the whole body of mine. My pillows are wet from all the hours of crying.
I should have not re-opened our messages. I should have not re-read our conversations. It is still painful, despite the fact that it was already two years since you left.
I sat on and opened the window. I could feel the breeze touching my skin. I closed my eyes and let the coldness hugs my existence, imagining it was you wrapping me around your arms. A tear dropped from my left eye. I opened my eyes and saw the stars twinkling so bright above the skies. I wish I was just like those stars. Brightly and didn't lose the sparkle you gave to me every night. I looked again in the sky, and now all the memories started to regain. The star makes me think of how pretty your eyes was when I first met your gaze.
You were so lovely as you mumbles my name. I remember how you sleep with me and look at the stars every night. Telling all your promises and plans with me that I wished I had never heard before.
I go back to my bed and laid down. I cover myself with my blanket. I remember how your scent touches this bed of mine. I remember how we spend watching all of my movies in this four cornered room.
I can still remember how we shared laughter and happy chilling moments with our favorite hot chocolate while watching funny variety shows. I miss your smile. Your smile that calms me down when I feel mad at myself. Your smile that lightens up my mood when I am sad. Your smile, and I was the reason behind those. I was.
Your photos was still saved on my phone and even our favorite playlist that we always listened to when we were together. We never get tired listening to them. I wish I was these songs, so you won't also get tired of me.
I can still remember the midnight calls we shared. How your low tone voice sounds really comforting in my ears. I can still remember the stories you have told, the rants you have thrown, the struggles and fights we have made with this phone. I can still remember, everything.
The letters you have written is still with me and all the petals from the flowers you had brought for me was framed with some lights I covered to make it still looks pretty. I wish we were like that, so I can still fix everything. Your presents were still organized and arranged in the box you gave me. Our pictures together are still hanging on my walls. It's 2AM. And my heart still calls for you.
I can still remember that night when I went home very late and you insisted to picked me up from my school. You even brought my favorite drinks and snacks with you, telling I might be tired from my study sessions. I let you hold my hand as we pass the bridge. We stayed there for a few minutes and just feel the moment we had back then. You were smiling while looking at the stars above us. I couldn't help myself to stare at you. You were the brightest. It was memorable.
It's 2AM. And it was 2 years ago, since the day you left. It was too painful to hear the leaving words from you. It was heart breaking as I heard you say that you got tired already from me. I was looking and seeking for answers. I doubted myself for not giving the best of me to take care of you. I blamed myself for everything. I blamed myself even if I don't even know what reasons you have why you ended up leaving me.
I admit that I am still hoping for you to come back. I am hoping that we can be happy together again, just like before.
I picked up my phone and typed your name on the search button. Your profile appeared and I clicked it. I scrolled down to get an update from you, my eyes went straight to your status. It looks posted awhile ago. In a relationship.
I felt numb. And I heard my heart sank deeply. My tears are flowing again on my pillow.
It's 2AM. My heart still wants you. But, I guess this is a sign, to move on. A sign to give myself a rest from all the pains. It's 2AM. And finally, I am ending and dropping everything now. You were my star, forever. And I couldn't wish anything but to see you happy. Happier this time.
