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I went to the grocery store at the corner of the street yesterday evening. So meet Selim there. He is well known in my university and is doing PhD in Bangla Literature. It's good to study, and it's like my little brother. He now teaches Bengali in a school, and has been preparing for the civil service exam for the past two years. Once qualified for the pre-return, it got stuck on the vibeboard, another time it got stuck in the return.
He's still trying. Anyway, at least I didn't go down without explaining myself first and foremost. He talked on the street for about 20 minutes, then I called back home and talked for a long time. He also talked a lot about the syllabus. He said so much because he was sincere enough to me. Honestly, I thought to myself. The brain says one thing, and the heart says another. Then I thought to myself, I have been dreaming of teaching at the university for the last 9 years.
Despite all the adversity, I have remained devoted to literature, knowing that it will be really difficult to get the job of my dreams. There will be extreme battles with the best at different stages, but knowing all, I could not give up Bangla literature. But why am I feeling upset today? Someone made me feel like him, and that's where I'm getting upset! My so many years of pursuit of his words will lie? Her life is hers, my life is mine. Why should the path of the two be the same? Does Pichdhala Path mean a better path than Methopath --- for anyone who wants to walk on Methopath? To me, the price of a path is exactly the same as the price I pay for the path. I always thought, I can, I can. I read literature with a lot of sincerity and love. If I got a good book, I would go hungry and sleep. I started reading story books from a very young age, my father bought me Russian fables and the tiger-fox fair of Upendrakishore Roychowdhury.
By the time I read the two books, I had almost memorized them. Starting from that. From then on, whenever Dad went out somewhere, a whole few story books would come to me with many other gifts, as if that was the normal rule. Arvaryajni, Panchatantra, Jatak's story, Uncle Chowdhury-Phantom-Aranyadev-Billu-Pinki-Smt. - I grew up dipping my nose in it. Putting my hand in my father's travel bag, I hid in a corner with the packet of my book, that was me. Everyone knew I had little interest in other gifts. Dad knew me, understood me, just laughed a little at his book-crazy boy. When I went to visit a relative's house, I would take my favorite book out of my bag and stand out from the crowd. That was my nature, everyone knew.
I remember, I told my father in one of the pujas, father, this time in puja, instead of buying me a dress, buy some books with that money. Dad said laughing, "Okay, give me your list, I'll buy them, I'll buy the dress again." When I heard this, I said quickly, well, if your budget is more after buying these books, then buy some more books with that extra money. My father was very happy to see me that day. Now I have the ability to buy unaccounted for books, but I no longer have the excitement of shopping as a child. Later, in the midst of various adversities in life, that love of literature kept me alive, gave me shelter at the wrong time, as if I could see the direction to return to the old love. So I believe that if I can make the right effort at the right time, in the right way, then I can surely fulfill my dream. If anyone can do the job in this intense competition here, it has to be me.
And I do not understand so much calculation, I do not have any special needs or ambitions except one peace. So if I could teach in an elementary school, I would be very happy. I will be among the students, I will be in literature, I will be in reading every day --- this is what I want from the heart. With all due respect, the civil service or other professions are probably not for me. My place is the only classroom, and I want to enjoy life in general with a man of mind. Although the first is possible in Kayaklesh, it is very, very difficult for the second wish to come true. You may think after reading my words, I may not be able to pass the civil service exam, it is such a difficult exam! No matter what you say, I agree. It is useless for me to waste time explaining this to you or understanding your words. I don't want to live in that life, I don't want to compete in that life, at least in my case there is no question of winning or losing in that life or competition.
I will not move a hair from the place of my love. Nothing, nothing! I will not live if I leave literature. So whatever happens, it will happen, otherwise I will be happier ... I will only be a writer, I will only be a writer. I will go to any village and make children human, just like Uttam Kumar left everything in the movie 'Agnishwar' and went to the village, I also want a result ---
where a small innocent child will put a handful of hyacinths on his chest after my death, for his beloved man. The less the desires, the less the rivalry in life. In your eyes I may be defeated, but in my eyes I want to be victorious. Move away from my dreams, live in your dreams, win - or what will I gain? That victory is a wrong life for me! Is your bright New York sun shining brighter than my little gray town sun? I agree, at least more. But what will happen to me with that much, not as much as I want? All these answers are time!