If I could talk to my AI self

There were days when I would sit alone and imagine things about what could have happened if I had chosen to follow the opposite side of my decisions, or simply decisions that I considered but completely ignored. What would my life be like on the other side of this universe?

So many questions swirl in my head, and some of them are indescribably confusing me even more. If I could only talk to my AI self, I would try to ask questions that my human mind cannot answer.

"if forgotten memories can be restored, would you allow me?"

"if decisions can be undone where would I be now?"

" If there are buttons for emotions and data record on how many and which one I consumed the most, Will I be able to take a sneak peak and reset things back and press what I needed the most?"

I remember I once had a journal and I was planning to turn a page of it into an emotion tracker, like how my day went, mark the emojis that corresponds to emotions like : Happy emoji, sad emoji, crying emoji, angry emoji, Heart emoji and stuff and other bunch of irrelevant emojis like 🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖 ( raaawr)

The thing is. I couldn't mark any of it because there were days I can't explain how I feel. So I'll just leave it blank. Plus, I am inconsistent.

I couldn't seem to apply " consistency is the key" in my life. Because just like my old journal. One day I woke up, I feel so fed up with all the emotions I couldn't describe so I look at it and decided to just turn it into poetry notebook. I write all the things I can't say to the world and then I suddenly can't think of any more rhymes. By the half part of the journal, it was no longer an emotion tracker, or a poetry pages but a messy diary with sketches and drawings. and The moment when I finally decided what to do with my journal, I realized it has only one page left and I can't really do anything about it anymore.

so, If I had the chance to talk to a smarter AI version of myself, I would beg if she can explain what and why I am the way I am, or why I think the way I think.

If I am the opposite of me, will I be less messier? will I have a defined and straight thinking? will the opposite version of me finally be able to figure out what background do I really want for my laptop, what do I really like to eat when I am at the mall? I bet even the future machine that could be use to scan my brain will get "error, error, error".

With all the impossible questions I had in my mind, as well as emotions that I can't describe, feelings that seems too much to handle, Sometimes I wonder maybe humans made AI smarter than humans to make life a bit bearable and easier.

But it can't be too smart because we all know what would happen next.

If I could talk to my AI self, I'd ask and ask and listen to what she would say. But in the end I know , I would still choose to remain fascinated about the things my mind couldn't reach. Come to think of the ability to control the outcome of my actions really can make me too dumb. Where's the thril, where's the drama, where's the exciting part?. gone

sometimes I complain, I admit it that I am really hard headed person . I ask too much, I get angry, anxious, sometimes jealous and scared, sometimes happy and grateful and most of the times I laugh at myself because this is what it really means to become a human. To feel everything little by little and act based on those feelings

being human is exhausting, but exciting at the same time. - abrilata