It Is Alright To Not Have A Dream

Ever felt like not having the same enthusiasm towards something? When you thought you have everything set in stone, then here comes a moment when you just don't have that same fire anymore. You treat success like an endgame, a paradise wherein everything is working out for you. But life does not always work that way.

There are days when the burn gets so bad that I would just cry it out at church or cry myself to sleep. I even had to delete my social media apps on my phone at some point, I am so tired — seeing your life not working out the way you initially plan it to be. I focused on the things that I lack instead of the things that I have. I drown myself in worries. When you thought it could not get any worse, it can and it feels like you cannot do something about it. But you can do something about it. 

I... prayed. Harder than I have ever had.  And then gradually I realised that He's been sending me hugs in many forms, I am just blinded by my worries to see it, but it's definitely there. It could be in the form of company, of my family, my cat and friends. It could be through the comfort of my favourite food or through listening to my favourite songs. It could be the joy of getting to try and explore things for the very first time. Maybe things are not working out because you deserve something better (You definitely do.) Maybe He is preparing you for something bigger. We've all been down there. And we can get better.

Later you will realise that the said fire is not lost. It is burning even more brightly than ever. You may not have been aware but you have been channeling it into another part of your life. 

See, it won’t always feel like it’s the best life, but life indeed gets better. Plot twists are everywhere. It’ll make you cry, make you doubt. But there will be blessings and they are everywhere, too. 

Today, I still am at that point where I could not pinpoint where I would want my life to lead. Will we ever learn, though? At this point I just... live. And there is nothing wrong with that, too.

Paradise by BTS has reminded me that it is alright to not have the same dreams as the people around you. Or to be acquiring goals as the world is expecting you to. Or to compare your timezone with the people around you. Dreaming doesn’t always have to be something big. But you should not stop from trying your best. You should keep living and loving and giving light to the world with all the flames burning inside you.

I admire those who gets to figure out what they want to do with their lives early on. I also admire being in the dark to the point of basking in it. It makes you appreciate the light when it comes. And it will come.

“But the real world is

Different from what’s promised

We need to run, we need to step on it

If you shoot a flare

You don’t have a destination

There’s no sceneries at all

Until your breath comes up to your chin

You need to you need to

It’s alright to stop

There’s no need to run without even knowing the reason

It’s alright to not have a dream
If you have moments where you feel happiness for a while...”

Birthday month/week per my experience is when all anxiety levels are up. It makes you ponder on how you have spent the past year, how you've probably slacked and/or of how far you've come. I was waiting for that moment every April, the sleepless night. For crying out of nowhere thinking where I effed up with my life. For every mistake that I could have prevented if I have put more effort and if I have put my focus on the things that (in the eyes of the curious crowd) matter. Surprisingly, it didn't come.  While the future is still as vague and uncertain as it has ever been especially in this pandemic state that we are in, I am in a better place than I was the previous year and I am grateful to be here.

“We borrow dreams from others (Like a debt)

We learn that we need to become great (Like a light)

Your dream. Is actually a burden.

If having a future is the only dream existing

Then what is the dream you had last night in your bed?

It’s alright if the name of the dream is different

Be it buying a laptop next month

Or just eating and sleeping

Not doing anything at all yet still having a lot of money

Who says a dream must be something grand?

Just become anybody.

We deserve a life

Whatever big or small, you are you after all..”

With all the realisations I figured, despite the challenges that we are currently experiencing, life isn’t too bad and I am actually happier with my every relationships and my mental state. I could definitely work on my shortcomings. And I will work harder to achieve the goals that I have set for myself. I never go through it alone, anyway. If there is anything I am really sure of, it is that I have Him. 

We'll all be fine.

Here’s to the challenges.

Here’s to living in our version of paradise.

“It’s alright to stop.

Now we don’t run without knowing the destination.

It’s alright to not have a dream

All the breaths you breathe are already in paradise.”

Grateful and hopeful,

A