Let’s face it, we all get lost in the monotony of everyday life. Jobs, relationships, even our own heads get in the way of us feeling our best. Luckily, we’re the ones in control. You have autonomy, so use it to change your life for the better.
1) Accept that some people just aren’t going to like you
It’s a tough pill to swallow, but one that is necessary if you want to rid yourself of insecurity.
You may have strong feelings towards a person, but their perception of you could differ wildly. Just because you want a person to like you, doesn’t mean that they will. Realize that you aren’t entitled to the affections of others. The more you try to get them to like you, the pushier and more annoying you end up becoming.
Stop trying to appeal yourself to others. In the best case scenario you will have fooled people into liking a facade of yourself.
People aren’t stupid, they know when someone’s trying to suck up to them, so fundamentally, all you’re doing is making your situation worse for yourself.
Consider that there are plenty of people out there who will like you for who you are. I don’t care how much of a piece of shit you see yourself as, there are people out there for you. It may be tough to find them, but you will.
2) Remember that the present is a gift
We are constantly bombarded with thoughts and questions about the past and future.
“What are you doing this weekend?”
“How was school?”
“What kind of job do expect to get with a philosophy degree, Dylan?”
The point is, we dwell so much on timeframes that don’t technically exist where we’re at temporally. Past events have already elapsed. There’s no going back and changing them. Constantly reminding yourself of the time you made a fool of yourself in math class won’t change the fact that it happened.
Likewise, we can only ever have a tenuous grasp on the future. We understand the basics of cause and effect, but humans are very bad at internalizing that notion. We all know that eating healthy and exercising is good for us, but sitting my ass on the couch eating fried chicken and Oreos can sound just as great.
‘I should be studying for exams, but look at this 10 hour playlist of baby ferret videos on YouTube. I think I need to take a look at that first.’
Humans are genetically wired towards seeking pleasure. It’s a holdover from our primate brains. The same mental heuristics that make high carb foods and jerking off so appealing, are the same ones preventing us from always doing what’s best long term.
I’m not saying it’s impossible to put in place positive habits, or that you should wallow in your hedonism, just realize that you can really only ever know the present.
Think about it for a second. All you can ever really experience is what’s going on right now. It’s cliche, but this is a moment that you’ll never get back. Find peace in the notion that we can only control what’s in front of us, and let go of the need to micromanage the future, or the desire to change the past.
3) Just do it.
Nike and Shia LaBeouf have been dropping wisdom bombs. If you have the desire to do something; travel to a new country, find a new job, ask someone out, anything, then do it.
Embrace that desire to act, really stop and feel it. That feeling is a driving impetus, it’s motivation in its most base form. The thing about motivation is that it’s fleeting. If you don’t act now, you might miss your chance. Not just because you might lose the motivation, but because the present is fleeting.
That job posting might get filled, that person you’re interested in might be swept off their feet while you were too busy dragging yours.
Because motivation is a finite resource, it’s well worth the risk of utilizing it while you can. You’ll regret not acting. You’ll also remain stuck in the same position you’re currently in if you don’t act.
The fact is, if you feel strongly enough about something, then it’s worth the risk you may take in trying to achieve it. I know that it’s hard—really, really hard to put yourself in a position where you may fail.
But take a look back. A real, expansive look at everything that’s happened in your life so far. Is one little rejection really going to affect you in the grand scheme of things? When you’re on your deathbed, are you going to be fretting over that one girl who said ‘no’ forty years ago? Or that job interview that went horribly off the rail? Or that startup idea that you put your all into but went bust? Probably not.
You’re more likely to worry about the things you DIDN’T do, than the things you did. FOMO and regrets really can plague you if you let them. Don’t let it get to that and put some effort in now.
4) Don’t underestimate yourself
There will be people out there who are more physically fit, more mentally adept, and with nicer private parts than you have. That’s just a fact given the number of people in the world.
Because of the publicized nature of the world today, where anyone with any modicum of skill can show off to the entire world through YouTube, Twitter or TikTok, it’s easy to see yourself as lesser than.
‘Reality’ TV and porn have also overinflated the perceived attractiveness that is required to stand out in society. If everyone out there is fitter, hotter and better built than me, why should I even bother?
Well, two reasons; our world as it appears today doesn’t accurately reflect real life circumstances, and comparing yourself to others will only cause you more grief in the long run. Look at the most followed profiles on Instagram. Those people are so modified through ample makeup and more editing than a James Cameron movie. They aren’t accurately reflecting what that person truly is.
These tools are so widespread that everyone can theoretically use them to look better. Everyone has a bit of vanity inside them. I’m sure you’ve tried to do something, at one point or another, to make yourself look better than you think you do normally. Coupled with the fact that people don’t like showing their negative sides, you’re never going to see the objective reality of that person’s situation.
That model might be in massive financial debt to keep up their perceived lavish lifestyle, that talented musician might be a socially awkward shut-in. Don’t attribute false claims to these people, that’s not what I’m getting at, but do realize that there’s more underneath the surface that you are never going to see, a d that’s by design.
So, really, even if you do want to compare yourself to others, you’re comparing yourself to a skewed, idealized version of that person. That’s not fair to you, nor is it healthy.
Just chill out and accept that you and everyone else has flaws. You aren’t better or worse than anyone else in the wider scheme of things. You have your skills and positive qualities—don’t say you don’t cause that’s bullshit. Everyone has something that they’re good at. Focus on being a better you than the you yesterday.
5) Accept that things won’t always go the way you want them to
That girl you’re into might not like you back. That exam you studied weeks for might throw you a curveball question. You may pull a muscle, break a bone or step on a lego.
There will be days, weeks, or years that will feel like hell. Realize that you’re never going to be able to live the perfect life. Realize that you may not get everything you want. Realize that the things that seem so important today, may not be things you find important a year from now.
So even if they don’t go your way, you can adapt. The circumstances that surround you might not even be of your own doing. If you were born with a crippling disease, or you had an abusive or sheltered upbringing, realize that there’s nothing you can do about what’s already happened and work towards making the best of your situation.
Drink a lot of water
What? You thought this was gonna be some self-help crap? Nah. People underestimate how important water is to your overall health and well-being. Aim for a gallon a day.
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I know it’s not much, coming from an anonymous internet stranger, but I believe in you. You’ve got this. Whatever adversities you’re going through, you are strong enough to handle.
