I'm about to leap but I don't know how I'll land! Should I do it anyway?!
I'm in the near rupture of saying, "Forget all commitments and be a bad guy for once!"
Forget about your job and resign!
Forget about your studies and drop!
Forget all about your 'neighboring escapades' and do something worthwhile!
What in the world is stopping me to do all of the above?!
I hear myself screaming for help but I know I have to decide and decision seems unfathomable.
I'm still lukewarm. I'm still just an aspiring, just a wannabe...
Everyday, I yearn to be a full-time writer. I want to get away from my principal, from my coordinator, from my colleagues, from my students and just write. Write write write.
I feel helpless every time my husband points out that I am not keeping my priorities right. He comments, "That 'thing' is taking all your time away. Do your job instead."
I admit he's on point but I can't help myself every time the canvas invites me. It's like getting called for by your friends to go hang out and unwind. It's so tempting I have to stop all my other activities just to write. I may have come to a point where all I wanted to do is write.
And I ask my self, "What now?"
On and on, as my desire to write gets stronger and stronger, I equally just keep things as they are: me, my table and my laptop, behind them are students and work loads needing urgent attention. Not that I do not do my job but if you ask me, what I feel is right for students is for the teacher to go beyond the minimum. And I'm contradicting those principles that I believe in. I read about others who could do many things all at once but that's just not the case for me. Once I do my thing, I do it with all I have. It's all or nothing.
One good thing about being a full-time person is that you get to focus all your energy to something you wanted to get into and anybody will feel and see your direction clearly. But it is not the case for me. I'm torn between my desires and what I really am currently. Sure thing I can just write as an aside but it's not giving justice to readers. No one's drawn to something done for compliance sake only.
But then again, my conclusion is to go back to my lessons and do my powerpoint, read my students' messages, answer all their queries and be done with my life. Hahaha.
One by one we'll respond to all of them. Sharing some to you...
In the end, I decide to just do things one step at a time. Let me just then write all about my career and my students. Teehee!
Hey, my Ellie @HyeRin! Drop a comment okay?