Why I Wish I Was An Orphan.

Before you declare me ungrateful or a thankless brat and I judge you by your narrow mindset, let's clear this up.

Life seemed perfect as a child... Maybe because I knew nothing and my area of interest and knowledge was petite but sooner or later I became defiant and a rebel with a short temperament is havoc.

You may disagree with me on this but I do NOT believe that childhood is the most beautiful time in your life. Rather, it's a delusion from reality, a time without responsibility, and a fake act.

Now that you have an insight into my ideology, let me tell you where and how that got raised. Life as an eldest middle-class child is never easy. Your parents are new to their jobs and are frequently overstressed and heated. It's not ALWAYS a healthy environment.

My prominent memories are that of my mother howling over my dad and taunting me. I had seen domestic violence, sometimes, at extreme levels. I have seen happy faces as well, on our occasional trips but those are blurred by taunts and curses.

I believe that my household is TOXIC. I don't hate my parents as they have provided me a roof to live under and food to keep me alive but my soul is a corpse, all thanks to them, again. If I had a choice during my birth to be born or dead, I would prefer to never start the misery again without a second thought.

I have had hundreds of breakdowns to date, my arms are covered with burn marks that I carved in the feeling of neglect. Somedays I just want to cry on someone's shoulder and hug a human, not just my pillow but at the same moment, I recall that I've never had anyone that close, never ever has anyone understood me, then how can I trust a soul?

I find no difference between me and someone who got no parents. The neglection feels the same.

- Zeleen Walia