Passing days

As I was writing a late night post in noise.cash, I had suddenly felt like my thoughts would be better suited here. So I am borrowing my own words that I posted on noise.cash and expand it here.

Days really bleed into months and soon it will be the end of 2021 again. I was looking back at the thoughts I write last january and I can see how hopeful I was about 2021. Some hope were not realized but I also managed to do amazing things. One of which is joining noise.cash and read.cash. I am here for close to 2 months only and yet I feel like it has already made a big impact on me.

In just a few days shy of two months, I have learned about myself more than the previous months cooped up during a pandemic. Some were just soemthing I already know but was not aware of until I finally wrote them down.

Art

Most of it would have to be how much I enjoy making art which is to be honest, not a lot. Sure I love making cool-looking artworks and I feel happy when I am done. I feel surprised when I received compliments. However, the satisfaction never quite managed to outweigh the doubts and criticisms in my head.

When I started making art, it was because I wanted to not waste my art materials for school so I did my best to do some works. I remember feeling so amazed at myself when I painted my first still painting. It was a cut lemon with a tea pot on a greyish green background.

That amazement lasted for awhile until I received multiple criticisms and advice Ibdid not ask for. They said it was to help me improve but all it does was suck my joy in making art.

I am still painting because I happened to come upon a muse in high school which made me want tonpaint something ahain, but the happiness that I felt back then was never achieved again.

Even now, I mostly paint Jisoo, not only because she is my bias, but because I like how strong she is. She stays cheerful despite the harsh criticisms thrown her way and even when their own fans ignore her. Painting her just makes me feel some kind of a dimilar thing that I lost back then. So this is one of the things I learned since starting to share my thoughts. I love Jisoo because I admire the strength she has.

In painting her, I am getting the joy in making art back into my life. However, when well-meaning people made some ill-placed comments, I find it hard to pick up my stylus again to paint. Still, I know that I will paint again, because this is something that has been a part of me for a long time now.

Writing

I learned that the stuff I am interested in writing is not necessarily the same thing that people would want to read. It discouraged me for awhile until I realized it is the same thing as with my paintings. Some people will want me to draw more of other people instead of mostly Jisoo, but it does not really matter because I am painting for myself.

Even if the stuff I am interested in is a topic that none finds interesting, it is okay. I am not here to earn money to buy myself a house or a mountain of gold. I am here because I wanted to get back into writing.

The support I received is never expected but definitely appreciated. I mean it is nice to know that someone really bothers to read what I write even if most of it is just free write anyway.

In writing my thoughts daily, I realized that there were some things that I constantly think about. Right now it is our puppy, Moshi. Since she came home to us, she has been on my mind from morning to night. Additionally, I am thinking of different types of yarns and crochet projects I can do.

People

I realized that I do not want to be surrounded by people who preach toxic positivity. There were times when the people in both of platforms I mentioned are overly optimistic which is something that I do not agree with.

I think there is nothing wrong with feeling anger, sadness, or any other "negative" emotions. For me, all emotions teach us something about ourselves so I instead prefer to listen and stay with my emotions for a while than set them aside and push myself to be happy always.

Even the most optimistic person feels sad too. I know because I used to be an overly optimistic person.

This realization is also accompanied by the knowledge that I cannot change how people live their life. I may disagree with it but the best I can do is disconnect and not engage. There is no use tryi to let them see my way of life, and no use in letting myself be exposed to their toxic positivity.

So when I see most posts are like that, I take a break and I come back feeling better. After all, I am here because I do not want to deal with the toxicity in other social media platforms. I am not here to trade that kind of toxicity with toxic positivity.

These past few weeks are something that is quite memorable in that I mever expected to meet so many amazing people gathered all in one place. Moreover, I have realized how to value myself and my thoughts more. I also learned how to acknowledge that differences with other people are normal, and it is okay to disagree with something.

Soon I will celebrate my 2nd month both in noise.cash and read.cash, and I am glad to know that I started this journey when I can.

The most valuable thing I got here is not the BCH I earned but the endless support of everyone. Just knowing that there are people who read my words and feel something is more than enough for me.

If you have some time to spare, you might want to visit more of my articles. I made summaries to keep it easier for you to browse through my articles.

Here is the link for my May 2021 articles: https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary---59e3f5b8

Here is the 1st week of June 2021 articles: https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/week-1-june-2021-articles-summary-6e15cf71

Thank you for reading my article, guys!