"What is the purpose of my life?"
This is a question that has probably crossed your mind multiple times since you have realized that there is a world out there beyond the playground that you know.
This question has definitely stumped me a lot of times in the past. It gave me a pause that will extend to long periods of time where I just stare nowhere in particular while thinking deeply about the question.
Back then, my mind would do multiple mental gymnastics to theorize something that could be my life purpose. Then, I will go on a desperate attempt at figuring out this thing called life.
The days would pass filled with multiple failures in trying to find something that I have no idea about. In my mind, I used to believe that if I do my life purpose, something in me will just click. As if I finally found a missing piece in the jigsaw puzzle that I am building.
This desperate run without direction has led me to become lost multiple times. Often stumbling across pitfalls I could have avoided had I just stopped for a moment. It led me to some of the darkest paths I had ever taken that I absolutely hope no one will walk through too.
When I finally managed to find a way out of the darkness, I find myself drained of that desperate fire coursing through me. All that was left was a little flicker of flames waiting to be ignited; a whisper of finding something instead of the tornado it once was.
With this renewed silence, I have more time to thibk carefully. I have more chance to give myself a chance to try and to enjoy something for the sake of it instead of for the sake of finding a life purpose.
In this calmer mindset, I was able to allow myself to try things I used to deem stupid or useless before. The things that I had brushed off because "How can a Science High School student's life ourpose be related to arts and crafts? It has to be related to science or mathematics."
This was the white and black mindset I had back then. Everything that is not relates to academic is deemed useless or not something worth oursuing in the long run. This was why I had trouble continuing both my writing and art journey.
This was why I had not been allowed to touch a sewing machine in High School. This was the reason why K was so adamant on taking a program that I know absolutely nothing about.
This was why I felt so lost before. But now the mindset shifted. The voices that I ignored before started whispering suggestions and now instead of ignoring or brushing them aside, I listened to them and I gace myself the chance to try.
I let go of my obsession in finding one true path because it is the very thing that led me to be lost. Denying myself the chance to do all the things I want to try has not helped me in feeling like I am finding a missing piece.
On the contrary, being allowed to do multiple things at once when I want to has allowed me to feel like the missing piece is slowly assembling itself. And I am feeling it little by little everyday.
Sure, there will always be the hushed criticisms from my father about my interests. A whispered, "a shame that someone set to become an engineer seems to want to pursue being a crochetist and seamstress" that will always nudge me a little to let go of my dreams. However, now I know þhat there is nothinv wrong with it.
I learned that finding the path I am meant to take will include being able to handle the doubts thrown my way when I take a slightly different path than planned. The life purpose I am desprately trying to find is something that will come when I need it to and not when I am not my best state.
I realized that it is okay to not be the best at one thing and instead be just okay in multiple things. I have acknowledged that perhaps being a Jack of All Trades suits me far better than being an Ace of One.
Everyone is different. This is something that we need to keep in mind when trying to find a path to take.
Maybe being a Jack of All Trades works well for me but it may not work as well for you because you like to keep your attention on only one thing at a time.
Most importantly, some people will always do something far better than we could do it. It is okay because there are things that only we can do.
Everyone has different paths they take, and it is okay if yours look different than the others. So feel free to choose sny path you want to walk, and there you might not even notice your life purpose until it crashes onto your face.
If you have some time to spare, you might want to visit more of my articles. I made summaries to keep it easier for you to browse through my articles.
Here is the link for my May 2021 articles: https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/may-2021-articles-summary---59e3f5b8
Here is the 1st week of June 2021 articles: https://read.cash/@ZehraSky/week-1-june-2021-articles-summary-6e15cf71
Thank you for reading my article, guys!
