An Unsung Song

A year ago, I was on the verge of death. Closer than ever, I could feel the embrace of the reaper. I remember the blurred visions of faceless people talking to me. They were telling me not to close my eyes although it felt like I was stuck underwater. Their voices reach my ears but they all sound so muffled.

I closed my eyes, and woke up to 24 hours later. A day of my life spent on a bed. A day without any recollection of what happened. Yet I still awoke.

For some, they might consider it a miracle. They might have taken a deep breath and praise God for giving them another chance. As for me, I just felt empty. Kinda like screaming into the void and not hearing an echo.

Still, I lived. My heart still beats so I lived. I lived but maybe that is not the right word. Maybe the word I am looking for is exist. I still exist even when everything is me is already dead. Or so I thought.

A year ago, the world was so gray that the only way I could think of to see some light is to disappear. But now, things are similar in many ways yet so vastly different from what my life was before.

This is a life that I did not dream of nor planned. The life I wanted after graduation broke the moment my last relationship ended. It is so funny to think of the plans you made involving another person when that person is no longer part of your life. Still, I am grateful. That ending gave life to new beginnings.

In a new chapter, I found bits of myself again and discovered new things about myself. It is a different feeling to be able to start to understand yourself better. It is like finally learning the lyrics to the song that you kept humming for some reason. I am finally discovering the unsung song that was hidden within me for many years.

A year ago, all I could think of was disappearing from this world. Now, I can not imagine not waking up in the morning. The clutch of bipolar disorder is still towering over me but I have learned to live with it. No longer would I allow it to make me feel ashamed of who I am. No longer would I allow it to take the joy I find in living. No longer will I hide the unsung song I have finally heard within me.

Instead, this day, a year after surviving my demons, I shall continue living. I shall continue to see the world with a heart that appreciates it. I shall continue even on days when I feel like slipping away into nothingness. I shall still be here next year to celebrate my survival. And the year after that. I shall be here until I can no longer celebrate the life I lived. An unsung song has been released, and no longer will my voice remain silent.