Alexithymia

This is a word that is not commonly seen in casual conversations. It is a word derived from Greek- a means lack, lexis means word, thymos means emotions- together it means lack of words for emotions.

The existence of this word implies that there are people out there who do not feel emotions as it is normally perceived. They may feel the emotions but they have no words for them, like a child seeing and feeling the world for the first time. However, for people with alexithymia, it is a condition that often last a lifetime.

Learning about the meaning of alexithymia reminded me of a character from the anime "Naruto Shippuden", Sai. Sai is his code name for his real name is forgotten. He was a part of a secret group in the Village under Danzo's control, ROOT.

In ROOT, the soldiers (most often orphans) undergoes a cruel conditioning to suppressed their feelings. The reason for this is so that their emotions will never get in the way of the mission.

I remember first seeing Sai and wondering how someone could not understand what emotions were. As a child, the mere concept sounds ridiculous to me and I merely waved it off as something that only happens in fiction. Learning about alexithymia though, reminded me of Sai and I felt like maybe I finally understood it a little.

Sai is shown throughout the show as someone socially awkward, who does not know how to take social cues or how to express emotions. As the anime progresses, he learns how to be in touch with his emotions again with the help of his friends.

For Sai, the conditioning he experienced is something that can be undone. However, the same can not be said for people with alexithymia. They are the ones who can see others are in a bad mood, but can not understand why or what caused it so they do not know how to make the person better.

They can also be someone who does something because it is expected in social etiquette but not really feeling anything while doing it. For example, a perfect partner who does everything right, but you can somehow see that it is just an act. And deception never truly lasts long because no one can hold an act for a long time.

This does not however mean that they are people who have no empathy. On the contrary, it may be an abstract concept but they do understand it somehow. The knowledge of what alexithymia means helped me realized that there are people who do not grasp emotions easily. So I promise myself to be more understanding of people who seem to have trouble saying what they feel, and hope that maybe that will be enough like how Sai's friends had been enough for him in the end.