Hello! readcash fam I dont feel productive in the past months, that even reading and writing an article a day is not crossing on my mind. I said before that writing and reading can atleast ease the boredom, sadness and loneliness in my life but I was wrong. There are times in my life that I wanted to get lost because I don't know what to anymore:
*I feel like I am a burden to my family
I don't want to feel this but everytime I think about my capabilities in life I found nothing. I feel sorry for my self because I doubt my own self. I feel sorry for my family too for being dependent to them for everything. I am not like this but I don't know what I did why my depression and anxiety triggers again.
I want to be with someone when I feel alone but I am only comfortable with Zcharina. I don't want her to get worried about me that's why I isolate myself in my room without talking to my family and friends. I always pretend to my mom that I am okay luckily she didn't notice that I am sad. I don't want her to be sad and feel pity about me just because of my stupidity.
I thought I can manage my problems alone but its not. I need someone beside me. I don't want other people see me like this other than my friend Zcharina. I don't have a choice but to contact her. Unfortunately, she already bound to Manila together with her aunt. I understand that not all the time your friends are always there available for you. According to my Mom Zcharina visited me two times but that time I refused to talk with anyone. I also off all my social media account. Thats how I wanted to be lost. Mom notice me but I am happy infront of her.
I am sorry for my bitterness in life for today but don't worry I am recovering now. To my friend Zcharina sorry for not welcoming you in my house before. Im sure you felt sad for not saying goodbye to me personally. I really appreciate your letter and a lot of encouragement, love you and always take care there.
There are times in our life that we need to be strong not because of our own self but because of our loveones.
Feels sorry for sharing my darkness/sadness in life but I think it help me easing my problems in life. Thank you for reading if there is any🙂
It's okay to rant. We need to release emotions every now and then and not bottle it up inside. I hope you feel better soon. It's going to be okay.