@Yzza0625 2 February 2022

Fighting My Silent Battle **February 02,** **2022** Hello, hello readcash community! How are you all doing? It's been four weeks since I published my first article for the year 2022. It was during the New Year. I have been MIA (missing in action) here for a month. Its been a while already. I have missed many things here in this platform. **Where was I last month?** The month of January was not really good for me. I have many disappointments received that made me sad and lonely. One reason of my disappointment was I was not able to pass on my desired job. I was waiting on that job for almost a year. Maybe the reason that I was so disappointed because I had so much high hopes that I am going to pass. After I received the news that I failed, I felt so weak. I felt like everything I planned vanished in just one snap. I have so many things that I want to do if ever I have a job. But now, all those dreams would not be possible this year. As of this moment of writing, I didn't tell my family that I didn't get the job. I am afraid what would be their reactions if I tell them that I failed. They were expecting me to have a job already. They were planning to build a house of our own since the one they're staying now is not ours. It is owned by one of our relatives. The house is already old and there are parts that needs to be  fixed. My father wants to renovate it and change the style of the house because it is very cram but the owner did not permit them. So, my cousin decided to buy a small lot where we can build our own house. They asked me to contribute for the house which is I am very willing to do but the problem is where can I find the exact amount of money they asked me. I keep on thinking how can I tell them. Thinking them being disappointed makes me sad already. Everyday, I always think of my failure. There were also nights that I silently cried because of that. But I didn't let my partner know how I felt because I don't want him to be worried. He always asked me if I'm okay and my response is yes all the time. But deep inside, I felt like I'm about to burst. I feel like I'm a failure and worthless. Everytime I wanted to write an article, nothing would come to my mind. I can't focus in everything even on taking care of my daughter. There were times that my partner will get mad at me because I left our child unattended. I was sometimes spaced out and like in deep thoughts. I wanted to be fine but I can't. No matter how I tell myself that it's fine, there's another time, but my mind won't listen. Everytime I hear one of the songs of the "Encanto" movie, specifically the song of Luisa entitled "Surface Pressure", there is a line there that struck me and I can relate it so much. The line is **"Im pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service."** Sometimes when I'm alone, I envy some of my friends who can provide for their families. I wanted to be like them. I am already shy with my partner's mother because she is the only one who supported us especially to our daughter. From her milk and everything she needs and even us, my partner and I. I wanted to provide my own family and no longer dependent on my partner's mother. She already helped us in so many ways. Yesterday was Chinese New Year. As I was thinking, I realized that it's been already a month that I dwell myself from the ocean of disappointments. I came to watched the movie "Kung Fu Panda 1" and there was a line there from Master Oogway that wake myself up. The line is ***Yesterday is History.*** ***Tomorrow is a Mystery.*** ***But today is a gift, that is why it is called the Present.*** I should not dwell myself from the past. If I continue myself drowning from disappointments and loneliness, nothing will happen to me. I should live today. There are still many opportunities out there. Maybe it was not yet meant for me for now. I am still stocking myself enough courage for me to tell my parents. I hope they will understand me. For the meantime, I decided to focus myself here in this platform. I am also glad that I am slowly winning my silent battle. AUTHOR'S SAY All of us has different silent battles in our life. We are facing and fighting to overcome those battles that drag us down. But don't give up. It's okay not to be okay sometimes. These battles are just a test that we need to pass. To those like me who are currently fighting their own silent battles, I pray you will overcome and win that battle. We can get through this. Just don't forget to pray and asks God for guidance. Finally, after a month, I able to finish an article. I am so glad to be back here. I hope I can finally back on track here just like last year. But before I end this blog of mine, I want to express my heartfelt gratitude to all my sponsors who continue to renew their sponsorship even though I was inactive for awhile. Thank you so much. God bless you all. **Lead image was edited using Canva app.**