Gift
God's gift is God's unsolicited, undeserved and undeserved mercy. When God answers you when you are least worthy, that is grace. That is His great grace! At your lowest point, in your darkest hour, His light shines through you and you become the recipient of His mercy that you did not seek, and the recipient of mercy cannot help but want to extend grace to others.
In and of us, we don't deserve the good. But because we are in His righteousness, God will not withhold any blessings from our lives today. Our part is not to struggle in our deeds and detachment from God, but to focus on receiving all we need from Him.
I believe that the more you become aware of the truth, the more you will experience God's grace. When your disqualifying voice comes to remind you of your failures on various fronts.
Pray and just keep trying....