Regrets? I don't know.

I feel so numb today. You know the feeling that you already got used to the arguments that has been happening over and over again? The feeling that you got tired of trying to fix everything and settle everything according to place that they are belong. The feeling that you just let them do what they want and said that they already knew what's wrong and what's right because they are old enough. Infact they are my parents. As much as I want to ignore them and be selfish just to think about my own family and leave this house, I can't.

The issue of my family is not a secret here as I always write an article here everytime I am experiencing something heavy. Yeah , I am used with this kind of set up but I am hoping that my family will be okay , I know it will never turn as okay as old times but atleast a casual one that has no arguments and fighting all the time.

We accepted our mother again here with no condition. My father was silent last week and he let my mother do anything in the house. He never asked for my mother to give an apology because even if he was hurt he feel pity for my mother and after all even though thier marriage broke our mother is still our mother. Since last week I never meddled my mother. I let her do what she wants , she will go outside then I let her. I even said to my father everytime that he call me that my mother was fine and she's in the house.

Then yesterday , my father go home. My mother didn't talk to him as if like they didn't know each other where infact she can apologize to my father not in a word but just like getting the dirty clothes of my father like what other wife's do or even asked my father if he already each his lunch. When I heard the voice of my father , I went to the Sala and I am the one who get the dirty clothes and I washed it immediately because he said he will leave the house early morning.

While I am washing the clothes of my father , my mother continue to have a conversation with our neighborhood and our neighborhood are so numb not to feel that she need to leave the house.

My father went to the backyard and played a music on the speaker while my son and my niece were with him. The day finished that they didn't talk to each other but my father was trying to be kind to my mother. He will said to my niece " Hey , grandchild tell your grandma to enter the house and watch television in the Sala. " . I know it's not direct talk but I know my father was trying to make things okay.

Then it's 7 PM when I heard them fighting and I heard my father saying " Wag mo kong aangilan , imbes na magpakumbaba ka ikaw pa matapang? ". Then I heard my mother curse my father resulting that my father exploded and tell my mother the things that he don't want to said.

Just like the old time , my mother leave the house and didn't sleep here. My father don't care about my mother because he also got used to it then he told my mother this. " Tumuloy ka dito hanggat gusto mo pero hanggat hindi kita nakikitaan ng pagbabago patuloy kitang mumur**in. That time I didn't go to them and I stay in the room and let them fight.

Earlier , my brother called me and as me what happened again and my father was the one who talked to him. My father try to explain everything to the point that my brother end the call because he can't able to do the rebuttal because my father's explanation was on point. He told my brother this " Hindi lahat ng bagay dapat inuunawa. Ano gusto mo anak , magbulag bulagan ako? Lalaki kadin anak. Isipin mo nalang na ikaw nasa sitwasyon ko.

Then I found out that one of our neighborhood confess something to my father that my mother was telling her about that guy and how their relationship ended because my mother can't give money anymore to the guy. How painful it was to know that after our mother dump by the guy then she will come back here.

Regrets? I don't know. A couple of days ago. I heard her , she was making taya to the jueteng and she mentioned to numbers. The first number was her birthday and the second one was the birthday of the guy. Like what? Hindi ka makamove on Mama? Hindi ko na nga sinabi kay Papa yun e. Pero diba? Bakit ganon? Haysss. And now as of 9:15 PM I found out that she was on our neighborhood drinking alcohol together with her tropas because it's her tropas birthday. She wear the same clothes she wore yesterday because she didn't take a bath.

Sorry for this online article of mine and maybe some of you asking why I need to open this kind of sensitive topic here.