Feeling disappointed to your spouse/partner? You should read this.

Are you disappointed on your spouse/partner? According to clinical psychologist , it is normal in every relationship but instead of insisting that your spouse/partner must need to change or being disappointed to him/her over and over again, why not let yourself think. Maybe you are the one who has problem and need to change and not him/her.

Getting disappointed to your spouse/partner.

Are you always getting disappointed to your spouse/partner? Is there a time that you asked yourself if you choose the right person? Though it gives you guilt everytime you asked that , I want to say that you're not alone. It is normal to feel that way on every person who had a relationship to someone. According to study by a licensed clinical psychologist Eliane Sommerfield. "Disappointment is one of the most frequent and intense emotions people experience in close relationship. "

Sommerfield also added , there are two types of disappointment that we may going to experience in a romantic relationship.

1. Disappointment with an outcome.

It is when your spouse/partner didn't meet your expectation or follow your wants. Like for example , when you are expecting that your spouse/partner already knew what you're thinking or when your husband eat late and you're expecting that he will washed the dishes but he did not do it.

1. Person Related Disappointment.

This is a kind of disappointment wherein you think that you choose a wrong person because they didn't act to be the spouse/partner that you want to be or the partner of your dreams. This is the kind of disappointment that is critical to a relationship because if it's not fix it can bring a bad effect on your relationship and worst ending of relationship.

Maybe you are the problem and not your partner?

According to Sommerfield , asking for your spouse/partner to change is not the solution to make the disappointment away. There's a big possibility that the disappointment that you have felt is not the product of your spouse/partner but because of your personal issues , insecurities and anxieties. Sommerfield proves it through the survey she has given on a couple with a questionnaire that based on the six factor disappointment model. From the answer that she received , Sommerfield created her next study that will be a way to point out if what is your personality based on your reaction and response on the disappointment that you've felt on the relationship.

Which of the statement below does your reaction be like when you are disappointed to your partner?

• Does your disappointment brings emotional distress ? Like your world will be in end because of what they did.

• Do you feel the hate or disgusted on what he/she did or your care and love instantly disappeared.

• Are you shocked on what he/she did? You didn't understand why he/she did that?

• Did you choose to be understand him/her? Did you forgive him and choose to fix your relationship.

• Or you choose to keep quiet and hide what you feel.

• Or you choose to be positive and make your partner understand that this is your real attitude and he/she needs to accept it.

Expert reaction

Here's the answer on the questionnaire that Sommerfield has given to the couple.

• The people who has high level of neuroticism answered disappointment brings emotional distress. They are also the ones who feel anxieties . Like those people who feel hate or disgusted to their partner. They are also the ones who choose to hide their feelings and avoid what was happened.

• While the two positive feelings which is being understanding despite of what happened is a proof of an attachment to the both person in a relationship. They are also the one who accept their partner despite of their imperfections and flaws.

Through the result of this study, Sommerfield has some suggestions to the people who always gets disappointed to thier partner. Learn to be calm and think what is the root of the problem. You should also learn to give, understand and forgive to the shortcomings of your partner to avoid the problem because of disappointment because in every relationship, there's a two person and the two of you need to work things out.

Proper handling of disappointment.

According to mindset expert at life architect , Hillary Porta. There's a proper way of handling disappointment that you feel in your partner. To be able to avoid it and affect the relationship you need to consider this below.

• Set a time to talk about the problem. Make sure that you are both calm and in proper place.

• Be open to your partner. Them him/her straight what she/he did to make you disappointed.

• Explain to your partner what's your experience because of his/her actions not just pointing out his/her mistakes. He/she should understand how this behavior or actions affects you.

• Be honest to your partner. Them him/her what's on your mind and dont hide anything.

• Ask him/her to be able to know his/her point of views and feelings.

• Avoid being defensive and always complaining. Be neutral . Don't be judgemental and hear his/her side.

Source : Psychology Today , LinkedIn