A thing that I can call it my own.

When I was in college , I dream about of having a laptop or a desktop. I took up Associate in Information Technology and most of our subject are computer related thing. I remember back then , I need to rent a pc on a computer shop everytime that we have an assignment that needs to encoded and to be printed. When I was on my 2nd year on college , almost everyday I went to computer shop because I need to encode our project. Renting a computer range to 15 - 20 pesos. I am lucky if I can find a computer shop that has a low renting fee but those shop are located on a town proper and I need to ride a tricycle just to go there. I survived the college life without any laptop and desktop and I promise to myself that once I got a job I will buy one for me because I want to learn more about programming.

I thought if I got a job , I will buy all the things that I want but I am wrong. Reality started when you graduated to your study and expose on how hard the life is. I started to earn 325 pesos a day on my first job until I find a job with a minimum wage. If you are working in Manila and you are a minimum wage earner , it feels that you are not working to have a saving or you are not working to buy all you want. You are working for living. Your salary that you will received is just enough to pay the monthly bills, monthly rent , allowance for food and daily fare. Can I afford to buy a laptop? Yes , maybe if I want to but should I prioritize that rather than the needs of my family in province? Ofcourse not.

I resigned to my job and be a full time mom. Last year , I asked my husband if we can purchase a laptop because I want to try to help him earning some money by doing a freelance job. That time I discovered Remotask where in you can earn money just by annotating. As a stay at home mom who wants to help his husband I dream of having a freelance job and I told myself that I can do it but first I need to buy a laptop.

I borrowed some money on a lending company here in our place. I only borrowed four thousand pesos for the down payment. We went to nearest mall in WalterMart Gapan and we look for the cheapest laptop there. We found a Lenovo brand that cost 16,000 pesos but it's just a low end one. I said to my husband that it's okay because I am just using it for freelancing and not on games that requires a high specifications. We purchased the laptop with the help of home credit installment program. We choose to pay the laptop for 10 months with a 1560 payment per month and there's a 2000 pesos interest. We purchased it February 2020 and by March pandemic came.

My husband lost his job and I said to my husband that it is not an accident that we purchased a laptop because maybe I can start my freelancing career especially that time that he is jobless. March 2020 I got an offer with a company that I applied but the problem is theres an internet speed require. I declined thier offer . Months passed and the laptop didn't used. I discovered read.cash last June and I only use my phone on writing articles even though I can use the laptop to type faster.

Months passed , my husband was still jobless. I found a part time job online but it's like an erotic site but you can earn there just by chatting to a random guy in USA. As a desperate wife who wants to earn some money I accepted thier offer and I also installed Microsoft office because it's one of thier requirements. After I watched thier guidelines they sent me the contract via skype but I think twice. I want to pursue my freelancing career but I want to do it with a clear conscience so I also declined that offer.

Fast forward.

So earlier , my husband said to me " Love please get the laptop" because he will be playing Most wanted for the tenth time, honestly I didn't know how many times. I get it in the drawer then he said " Let's sell this laptop or donate it ". I didn't like his joke as it was very sarcastic to me. I asked him why would we sell the laptop. He said nothing , he was laughing and said it was a joke. I was pissed off and said that his joke is not funny at all. I said jokes are half meant and he said that because he saw that I didn't used the laptop and just stock on the drawer.

I didn't talk to him because of that. I was hurt by his word. He didn't know that it was my dream to own that. I am also sad that I didn't use it for my freelancing career because I can't find one and I can't pushed it because no one will taking good care of our son. Like I mentioned on my post in noise.cash there's a perk of using cellphone while writing an article because I can still write even if I do breastfeeding unlike when I used the laptop.

Despite of being annoyed to him , I still prepare for our dinner and we eat together but we didn't talk to each other until he got asleep. Maybe it's my fault of acting that way but I have my reasons and he should be also sensitive on his words.