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I take what comes and feel blessed of what I have

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Written by   52
1 month ago

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Whenever I get a nickname like 'princess', I cringe, I become wary.

I have (almost) stopped refusing hugs although not completely, sometimes the urge to oppose hands is still strong, I can't avoid it, they are all still 'enemies' in my eyes. I have transformed over the years, I have lost confidence, I no longer dream

I live in the day, watching the days quickly alternate, become weeks, months, years. In the meantime I take what comes, without too many questions. I don't expect great things even now, that I could make medium range plans I don't, I'm not used to it I'm always afraid of failing

The last 8 years have been really bad, they passed quickly, but the intensity of the events and everything that followed, created a deep crater inside. I never talk about myself to those around me, I can't, I sound more like a clown, I laugh, I downplay

When you are used to being strong alone, silence becomes your only element, your comfort zone, a space accessible only to you and no one else

Life's revolutions always come when you hit a dead end, when you stubbornly insist on saying 'everything is fine' even when inside you know exactly that it's a lie. I lied to myself so many times until the moment I couldn't do it anymore and everything collapsed.

I should have known that certain happiness was not planned in my life and I ended up sinning with too much hope, picking up the pieces of everything else

Loneliness isn't so bad after all, one must first lose oneself to understand the meaning of one's existence and it doesn't necessarily have to be two people. I have only learned that there are two impossible ones, that they can never be two, they must remain one until the end. I wanted so much for this to come true, I wanted to be a happy wife and mother and I found myself alone, begging for attention and love

I had failed

Lost time can't be made up and so you start over, doing what you can with what's left. You let your dreams pass you by, you dim your desires, you stop thinking about tomorrow, you balance yourself with nothing and make up a new show

Sometimes a thought crosses my mind, that maybe I'm living a life of transition, that the best will come in the next one and that the cycle will end with a 'happily ever after', but this life is not a fairy tale and sometimes I'd like to go into the woods and tell the wolf to stay hidden and never be found by humans: we are filthy beings capable of any infamy, passing it off as love.

[2018©Yelena b.]

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Written by   52
1 month ago
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Comments

L'unica cosa della quale ho una fottuta paura è proprio il dover dipendere dagli altri o, peggio, essere costretta a dover dipende da qualcuno. Credo sia la cosa che più mi spaventa del futuro. Non il futuro in sè. Combatto ogni giorno per essere indipendente ma il tarlo di "non farcela" mi perseguita. Ti abbraccio

$ 0.05
1 month ago

Ed è quello che devi combattere sempre! Proteggi la tua libertà, la tua indipendenza. Non permettere mai a nessuno di dire che non sei abbastanza, che ciò che fai non vale niente. Io ci ho messo tanto a capire che le mie gambe erano forti, quando tutto si è spostato io sono caduta. Il processo di recupero è stato lento e doloroso ma ce l'ho fatta! Grazie di aver commentato 💕

$ 0.05
1 month ago

Your article is full of sadness. I imagine that you are heartbroken by so much waiting for life. Even your own happiness you question. You take refuge in your comfort zone, probably for fear of never making a mistake again. How I would like to help you understand that everything is in your mind. You are unique and incomparable, you lack purpose in life. When you find your way again, you will also find happiness. Because happiness is within you. Not outside. Interesting article, I would like to read more from you. Greetings my friend.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

You think I'm in a comfort zone. I'm at peace with myself now cos I don't depend on anyone except my own 'inner force'. That's why I am good my own way. Thanks anyway for your comment.

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Io sono ancora giovane, ma ho notato come tutto può cambiare in un attimo in meglio o in peggio, quindi provo a non buttarmi mai giù troppo

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Esatto tutto può cambiare. Fa i tuoi progetti e semina, ma vivi sempre il momento, al massimo e senza fiato. 🤗

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Living is a long road and we don't know what will come before us on this journey. Buddha makes life mysterious. Despite everything, living well or badly is a beautiful and enjoyable situation. I hope it gets in order. Never forget that every ascent has its ups and every downs has its ups.

$ 0.01
1 month ago

Absolutely Life is a rollercoaster, just seal your belt and ... Go! 🙃

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Life can be hard, but it is beautiful too. We must learn from our falls, and learn to be happy with ourselves. Better paths will open in the future. Hugs, friend!

$ 0.03
1 month ago

Exactly. People think that completely rely on another person is happiness, but they really forget that the most important person in your own life it's definitely you! If you can't stand on your legs it will be truly difficult to stay up, if the other person move and go away, you fall miserably! And I agree, better paths will open in the future! Thanks for commenting sweetheart Have a lovely weekend!

$ 0.02
1 month ago

Life is beautiful and a tough journey. We can make the best out of the situation and know that these are only temporary setbacks and find the lessons that are to be learned. Happy weekend, amica!

$ 0.03
1 month ago

Yep... I just live what comes and feel grateful. Love ya back hun you are always my best supporter! Enjoy your weekend🤗

$ 0.00
1 month ago