Being Too Nice Is Selfishness

The beginning of Summer got John a new friend and it was their second time of hanging out in the park. John was Mark's first real friend, and so he went extra miles to make the relationship work. The two returned to Mark's house after a long walk at the park. Mark was so excited to be John's host, so he tried all he could to make his feel comfortable. He asked him if he was interested in watching Avatar, a series John had long watched. Instead of John to tell Mark he had already seen the movie, he kept mute and watched the whole series reluctantly.

Mark never knew he did not enjoy the movie but only played along so he won't hurt his host. Everytime when they got home, Mark will always play the avatar for them to watch, whereas John had seen the whole series, so it was boring to him. Days passed and their relationship began to dwindle, John began to avoid close contact with Mark. When Mark asked him, what the problem was, he wasn't plain enough to state the main cause of the separation.

John fell in love in college with a girl named Jasmine. The two were fond of each other. The love grew stronger but with time things turn sour. All the messages and calls were sent by John, he felt bad about it but never told jasmine. He assume she was to know about it. Days passed and things got bad, communication became a problem in their relationship. John couldn't bear it anymore, he decided to walk away, and that was the end of their beautiful love story.

A lot of people are like John, we often assume people Should know what we want, how we want them to treat us and probably know when they have offended us. How is it possible, if you don't tell them ?

Being nice while displeasing yourself will never earn you a trophy, rather it comes with disappointments. In offices, relationships and even place of learning, we are surrounded with different people with different mindset.I have a friend who will never apologize whenever she is wrong. I wasn't comfortable with it and so had to confront her one day, she told me 'apology doesn't fix anything, rather it makes things worst in real sense but if you are interested in me telling you sorry, of course I will' . it sounds crazy but looking from a different perspective, it is true. Let's assume, someone broke your phone screen accidentally, and decides to apologize. Will it solve the problem ? Of course not. That was the angle my friend was judging from. So having issues with such a person, may never get you an apology unless you demand for one. And being a nice, who often assume others should know what is right, you may never get one.

Most times we need to tell people when they offend us rather than assume, they should know. What if, the condition benefits them just like in the case of John and Jasmine. Jasmine was at the receiving end, so she wasn't bothered if John was okay or not, as long as he wasn't complaining. Being nice most times isn't nice at all because it could result in self centeredness. You are only worried how people treat you and doesn't care, how you treat others, since you see yourself as a good person.

Bottom line

I don't think niceness is always kindness, because kindness is not submissiveness, quietness or self-surrender. I think it's the willingness to confront and deal with people and issues squarely, even when it is difficult and below your standard. Agreeing with every opinion isn't really a sign that you really care about others, but rather you are focused on what people think about you with no regards on how they feel. It is just a modern way of being selfish. We shouldn't hesitate in telling others, when they offend us, rather than pretend as if nothing really happened. Being too nice, is just a modern way of being self centered.

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