We Lost Her

Yesterday January 14, my grandmother passed away. We lost her while she's still admitted in the hospital. I'm sharing this with you guys to know how it feels to lose a loved one while in the middle of a pandemic.

January 12 later evening when she was brought to the hospital by my Mom and brother. She was admitted to a public hospital. My Mom told me that she's already weak when she picked her up at their house.

It sucks. It really sucks. Since it's the time of pandemic, Covid restrictions have been regulated strictly. She stayed at a tent outside of the hospital but was still in the compound. It was just in front of the emergency room. January 13 when my Mom visited twice, morning and early evening to bring all the things that she needs. Mom told us that she was doing fine, smiling and ate the food that she brought. We even thought that she would go back home to recover.

She was admitted because of a high sugar level and hip fracture. She slipped inside their bathroom. A CT scan was needed to determine the severity of the fracture and I think she was brought to the private hospital that was located near the hospital where she was admitted.

Life during this pandemic sucks. Money is the primary problem. I found out that when she was brought to the hospital, the only money that was given to my Mom was 1500 pesos. I couldn't believe it. Considering the inflation rates, that amount of money will not go far.

January 14 when my cousin Rose called my Mom and told her that the oxygen was running out. My Mom was already asking her colleagues if they have some but we couldn't find one. My Aunt, who is the daughter of the patient, was asked to go to the hospital. At that time, I already knew what was about to happen. It was the last moments of her Mother.

Unfortunately, she wasn't able to go there while her Mom was still alive, us also. My Mom received a call while we were on the way to the hospital and my cousin told me that she's already gone. We were already close to the hospital. It was just one town away. We were crying as my brother drove the car quickly.

Since our province is under Alert Level 3, restrictions have been lifted again. There were checkpoints along the road and we needed to present our vaccination cards. Unfortunately, I left mine at home but I have a photo of it on my phone. As I was scrolling through my gallery, the police officer told us that it's okay and we can already leave. Maybe he noticed that our eyes were already red and my Mom told him that it's an emergency.

We couldn't go near her. There was a hospital protocol that the deceased should be swab before releasing to the family. They tested her with an antigen test and she tested positive. Since antigen tests are not accurate, we opted for requests for an RT CPR test. But It's going to take 3-5 days.

It was already late in the evening when my grandmother's body was picked up by the funeral homes. Meaning, her body stayed in the hospital for 8-9 hours when she passed away. My Mom and I were the ones who processed just for the funeral homes to get the body. Since she tested positive, miscommunication arose in our Rural Health Unit. They didn't exactly know what to do with her and we didn't know whom to listen to.

There were only two options, immediate burial or cremation. Since my Aunt still can't decide, my grandmother's body was put into a mortuary freezer. At around 12 o'clock, she was cremated. It sucks. We couldn't hold her hand for the last time. We couldn't hug her.

We are suspecting that the result of the antigen test was a false one because hours before she passed away, her blood sugar level spiked to 400+. Which isn't normal for a normal person, but since she's diabetic, the odds of testing positive for the antigen test was high.

You might have noticed that I am not active on noise.cash yesterday and today. It's because we are busy and still processing that she's already gone. Don't worry, I am fine. I did not have any contact with her. I'm just going to ask for your prayers for her.

Do not worry about me, I will be fine.

I still can't believe that we already lost you, Mama. That you left us already. It feels like yesterday while I was chatting with you about how your check-up went. You said that there was nothing wrong with you, that you can't just sleep. I even told you that it might be because you kept sleeping all day long.

January 12 late evening when you were brought to the hospital and I came home late. I was wondering why Mama and Kuya Ren arrived home at midnight. I just found out about it already in the morning. I kept on worrying about your condition to the point that I couldn't enjoy my meal. I prayed to God that you would recover quickly and as per Mama's update, you are already recovering and ate the food that she brought.

Mama, if only you could've waited a little longer for all of us to achieve our dreams and be successful. We could've spoiled you and even bought you everyday with the macaroni soup that you ate last night. I can still remember the times that you would give us new 5 peso coins that you kept when you're still living in Las Piñas. You kept it and gave it to us as our gifts --- it's the best gift that you ever gave to all of us.

I can still remember the time when I jokingly said that you should also buy me a cake for my birthday since you bought Llana one. We were just laughing and you even asked when is my birthday. But now that you're gone, it might be the saddest birthday that I'll have this year.

Mama, I really thought that you would go back home and have already recovered. If I just knew that it would be the last conversation that I had with you, I could've stayed a little longer, hugged and held your hands. But as we were on the way to the hospital earlier this afternoon, Ate Rose already told Mama that you are already gone. We were crying in the car while Kuya was driving so fast just for us to get there. We didn't even get to say our goodbyes.

Mama, ako na bahala kay Lola. Rest now. We love you. ❤️