How do you make yourself happy
Is it really possible to achieve happiness and the ability to be free from harassment, as I mentioned earlier? Of course, if you follow the suggestions mentioned later in the book. Why? Because you were born with constructive and creative inclinations and with the ability to refine and improve those inclinations for self-realization. Jean Piaget, Georges Kelly, Michael Mahoney and other psychologists have proven that man has the ability to face the various problems that he encounters in life in a constructive way. Otherwise, he will not eat the right food for him, will not learn how to navigate in crowds, and will leave himself vulnerable to exploitation by others.
That is why man faces his problems with caution until he finds a solution and continues the struggle to face other problems. Man has an innate, constructive tendency, as he subconsciously seeks to solve the problems he faces in life. The natural tendency is to face problems and solve them as much as possible. The interaction is not limited to the physical aspect, such as food, drink, walking, etc.
Rather, it includes the intellectual side. When you feel anxious, depressed, or angry, you notice those feelings and consider them either “good or bad” and often do your best to change them for the better. Now the primary goal of a human being is to live as happily as possible. Whatever distress, sadness, or pain you feel, whether Physically or morally, you confront it and seek to reduce it.This is the creative nature of man, so take advantage of it?
Unfortunately, humans also have an innate destructive tendency. This is not what most self-help books say. It is well known that it is rare for a person to intentionally harm himself or to immerse himself in feelings of despair and frustration. This is possible, but it is rare. What happens is that a person has a tendency to think, feel or act in a way that causes him to feel frustrated easily and often. It also adds to his destructive inclinations what he learns or gains from parents and society, which increases the possibility of unhappiness!
Take procrastination, for example. He asks you for a task at school, work, or family and you agree to do it because you think you will get good results (like approval and satisfaction) if you do it.
But you put it off over and over again. Why? 'Cause you're thinking (stupidly) 'I'll do it later. It would be better and easier if I did it later. Or I have to do it perfectly or else I'm not worthy and so I'll do it later. Or they shouldn't have given me such a difficult task. It is a difficult and even difficult task for me. I will do it when I decide. Or even I will never do it. Shall them?
If you're a "normal" person, it's easy to make frustrating excuses like this. It's also accompanied by negative feelings such as anxiety and hostility as well as actions that include procrastinating, poor performance or even complete deadlock. Also, as soon as you start procrastinating and realize that you won't get what you want this way, often What do you think “I am an unworthy person because I am procrastinating! I will not be able to complete this task within the given deadline. People will hate me for procrastinating—and they're right—I'm an unworthy idiot!". Such thoughts are in part to get you to work. However, they make you think that you're unworthy as a person, and that since you're unworthy, you're not going to do the work. These thoughts actually make you procrastinate even more!
Procrastination is also a natural defensive behavior. If you are a person who seeks perfection in everything, a state of intense anxiety may occur for fear of not performing the work required of you to the fullest, and when you resort to procrastination, you relieve anxiety and feel, temporarily, that you are better. Paul Woods, a practitioner of EBT, calls this type of anxiety relief a catharsis, you feel so good that this "bonus" helps you procrastinate more! |