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Celebrity Boxing (Politics Edition)

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Written by   9
2 months ago

Celebrity boxing is only good new trend.

First, we saw Connor McGregor get dismantled in the ring by Floyd Mayweather. Since then, the Paul brothers (of yewtube infamy) have entered the sport, with Jake recently brutalizing former NBA player Nate Robbinson as an undercard for Mike Tyson's big return.

This must continue and also expand into political and philosophic rivalries.

Here are top 3 picks for celebrity boxing matches:

Donald Trump Jr. vs Hunter Biden

Both sons of elite politicians, both would have plenty of time and resources to dedicate to this fight. For Biden, after his recent laptop scandal, this could be a life-altering point of redemption. If Don Jr. is defeated in the ring after a possible election loss for his father, it could be the final nail in the coffin for Trumpism. On the other hand, a decisive victory for the vocal Don Jr could rally the base for his father's second term and cement his place as heir to glorious Trump Dynasty.  

This is main event. Whoever wins will also be rewarded with lifetime supply of young women.

John Mcafee vs Bill Gates

Both began as 90s tech bubble winners, but they ended in vastly different places. Gates has dedicated himself to philanthropy, which many believe is cover for political maneuvers and a larger social agenda. John Mcafee doesn't give a fuck about you or the world, and he doesn't pretend otherwise. He's never attempted to play the saint. He's traveled the world engaging in hedonism. He's was even recently arrested for tax evasion. I've even heard he has scat fetish.

Each would likely follow different training protocols. Gates is more like communist Ivan Drago. He'd use latest cutting edge technology and training methods to show up at peak condition. He'd likely dope with age regression and stem cell therapeutics. Mcafee is far more primal and savage, like Rocky. He'd show up 110% high on methamphetamine.

Ted Cruz vs. Jack Dorsey

There's no love lost between these two. The based Texas senator has grilled evasive Jack Dorsey multiple times.

This one's easy to call.

Ted Cruz has chad aryan soul. Dorsey would be incel in another life. Absolutely no contest. In fact, I recently ran highly accurate Twatter poll. The response was unanimous. Cruz and freedom win.

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