Brutal Advice for Young Men and the Truth About Success with Women
Here are 12 pieces of advice I wish my father would have taught me while growing up.
I've learned all this from other men and confirmed it with first-hand experience running game (i.e., flirting), spinning plates (i.e., balancing several relationships at once), and through having long term relationships.
WARNING: These aren't typical tips.
Women are natural followers. This puts the burden of leadership on the man. Most guys suffer in their relationships for one of two reasons: they either don’t know how to lead (i.e., they lead the relationship to nowhere and become friendzoned, and become seen as weak and indecisive); or they stop taking the leading role while they are in the relationship. Often, the type of relationship you get is the one you yourself build. Conversely, if a woman isn’t following your lead, then she’s not into you. Either become more valuable in her eyes, or quit wasting your time, soft next her, and find a girl who will.
It’s easier to attract many women than just one woman. Much of women’s romantic interest is dictated by pre-selection. If a woman thinks many other women are attracted to you, she will be attracted to you. Thus, by exhibiting the behaviors and characteristics of a man with options and experience, you'll be seen as more attractive by the average woman. This is where unwavering confidence and empathy come into play. They are 'honest signals' of success and status.
Women, some more than others, love emotions. If you are boring and predictable, you rob her of her greatest treasure. Therefore, you need to alternate between periods on intensity and aloofness. Your attention should be a gift or reward bestowed sparingly to the deserving. Make small requests and demands simply to build compliance, sometimes be hot or cold, and give her a roller coaster of emotions.
Any time a woman says something, mentally add this phrase behind it: “… is how I feel right now.” Suddenly, everything a woman says will make much more sense. Tangentially, “maybe later” often means “no,” while “no” often means “maybe later.”
In terms of relationships, the first fight is usually the last. Unhappy relationships tend to have recurrent problems, usually based around unmet expectations. It’s important to have boundaries (i.e., don’t let your girl do stuff that crosses your boundary, be clear about what the boundary is, and withhold attention or break up if she transgresses), while maintaining high standards for yourself (remember, you’re the one who is leading her *in action). Don’t spend energy trying to fix clearly broken relationships. Once you break up with a girl, be friendly but never give her a second chance. Your time and energy are better spent on other girls and relationships. Remember, you get what you tolerate.
Ffs, work out. This should be non negotiable. Women say they like their bfs to have dad bods because it’s safe and comfortable and the woman knows it will be more difficult for him to cheat. But women in general (and your wife/girlfriend) lust after healthy strong men. Simply put, attractive men have way more options and leeway in relationships. Additionally, have a life or time away from your girl, preferably doing masculine activities with other men of vigor and value. Give her room to miss you.
Women like to be fucked hard. Probably harder than you think. Generally, dominance and variation, along with emotional intensity, are key drivers of women’s sexual arousal. Be present. Do kinky shit. Over time, you’ll learn to be better in bed and more responsive to the different preferences of individual women. Also, don’t think of foreplay as something that starts at 10pm when you’re already in bed. Build up to things much much earlier than that, setting up the pace or tone for what’s to come later.
Avoid becoming a shoulder to cry on or a sounding board for her complaints in life. Instead, be her company in fun, or a person she can relax and unwind with. You want her to associate you with pleasant feelings, not bad ones.
Avoid apologizing too much. Women, being smaller and weaker than men, lack the ability to physically dominate their mates. Therefore, they’ve development and innate ability to do so psychologically, often through with petty arguments and guilt tripping. Here’s the thing, unless it actually merits an apology (which should very rarely be the case), admitting guilt to ‘get her off your back’ will only signal mental weakness on your part. Since women, deep down, despise being in a relationship with a physically or mentally weak man, her constant grievances and your constant apologies feeds a light resentment as her other feelings go cold. Don’t entertain her petty quarrels, but also trust her feminine insight on some things.
Make her feel special. Be a source of validation, particular by association and your high high mate value. She should be thinking, “I’m happy he picked me.”
Don’t settle down too early. As a man, as long as you take care of yourself, pursue real improvement (not wishy-washy new age bs), and learn a bit of game, your value in the sexual marketplace peaks much later than women. Gain experience, learn what you like, don’t be afraid to pursue better girls. Learn a variety of relationship skills, from meeting new people, balancing multiple girls, and maintaining ltrs.
Don’t dip your pen in company ink. Too much drama.
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