Even in the best of marriages or Relationship, a partner's behavior can be irritating at times. Various surveys have proven that condemning a spouse for a certain attitude will cause an intensification of that attitude. For example, if a man criticizes his wife for being chubby, she will probably gain weight. If she criticizes him for not spending more time with her, he will probably spend more time away. This is because people who cherish their freedom and want to maintain their personality will do the contrary of what others want as a way of saying, "You can't control me!" In addition, a person who feels hurt by criticism may consciously or unconsciously want to hurt back, signaling, "I'll get back at you for hurting me by doing what I know hurts you." Yet, no matter how much people hear how counter-productive judgment is, most will continue to condemn or use other "control tactics" to get their spouse to change.
Few people understand how difficult it is to change and how bitterly slow the process is, far more evolutionary than extreme. In truth, what comes easily to one can be exactly difficult for another. Yet people think that whatever is easy for them should be easy for others! A neat freak thinks that anyone should be able to clean up the room into shape in a quarter of an hour, and cannot understand what the big deal is to put things in their place. An emotionally demonstrative person may not understand how difficult it is for some people to share their feelings or even to be aware of what they are feeling. A screamer may think he's being "honest," and saving himself from an ulcer by venting, not even realizing how painful it is for others to have to live with a lousy person.
When we experience a conflict with a partner or kid, we can take two steps to settle the situation. First, realize the other person's grief. Tell the person, "I know how hard it is to live with me and not get what you dreamed of."
The next step is to make a few reasonable self-discipline actions each day and share the most trivial victory with your partner. This should be done not only to satisfy the person, which is a remarkable motive but also with the perception that if God gave you this partner, then by making these signs, you will grow.
Janet used to reprimand her husband for being stingy. Because he disagreed that she was wasteful and would mention the items she had purchased that he deemed excessive each time she came back from shopping. When she asked what to do, I told her to tell him, "I shut off all the lights in order not to squander electricity. And took a quick shower instead of a long one instead And she kept a list of what she wanted to buy and did not buy. By showing him the list, he no longer felt that his wishes were being rejected. He saw that she was sensitive to his fears of financial ruin and cheered her efforts to improve. Janet recently said that she realizes that her husband is economical, not stingy, and knows that his concerns have facts. She is also proud that she, too, has become more economical and more knowledgeable of the need to economize.
So, for our improvement well as to improve our relationships, our partner should know, that we are trying to change to their taste by changing our Language in the following ways:
This time, I'm going to be quick and won't keep you waiting
I shut off my cell phone so that I can give you all my attention
Once we start making these little indications our partner may be willing to do so as well. I found this very effective with my Family and friends, too.
May God help us all improve our qualities, thanks to the very people who we may be annoying. Of course, this only works when two people truly respect each other and want to improve. If not, then this work must be done on our own. Either way, God delights in every step ahead.
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