I've Never Felt This Way Before....(Freewrite)

Timer starting at midnight (15 minute freewrite)

Another 15 minute freewrite....buckle in people! I met someone the other day, someone special, beautiful, magnificent, and ideal. The very first time we interacted I knew there was something different. She had no idea who I was, but something I must have said to the bartender caught her interest, because she didn't hesitate to add her .02 cents. I loved it, she was giving me a hard time, being playful and flirty, but at the same time.....just being a genuine human being.

fastforward 10 minutes and I'm standing outside. I look over my shoulder and what do I see? The most beautiful woman I've laid eyes on. Her eyes sparkle, she literally radiates warmth, and love. Her smile could speed up global warming at an alarming rate, but I don't want her to ever stop smiling. Her giggle and laugh make my heart explode, and I can barely contain myself.

That's the problem.....containing this crazy intense mind that runs so fast, so hard and never stops. The best way I can describe my mind is like a Lamborghini with bicycle brakes. I can do 180mph EASY, and I can keep going for a long time, but what happens when I need to stop and get gas? What happens when I come to a dead end? I crash and burn. I do my best to contain these thoughts and feelings, and this is partially why I'm writing this, in order to let it all out.

Am I too intense, is it too soon to feel this strong about someone I've only known for such a short period of time? "When you know you know right?"....go with the flow Daniel, be you. But it's so difficult sometimes. I don't want to appear needy, or clingy, or suffocating, but at the same time.....that's all I want to be. How do I express how I feel without coming off as a total psycho? Take longer to put my thoughts into articulate sentences maybe?

There is a silver lining to all of this. I'm more motivated than ever. My goodness I knew I could do whatever I wanted before, but now I want it all....and I want it now. If that means just doing twice as much than I normally do....than so be it. I'd gladly double my workload if it brought me closer to realizing my ideal self and being the man than someone would enjoy and feel closely about.

I suppose all of that shouldn't matter though should it. What if I were a hobo with a heart of gold? What if I were a convicted felon with no job, no car, no prospects, no nothing, but I'm still doing my best? Who knows....Who knows.....

I know that I can be, have, or do anything I set my mind to, and right now....my mind is pretty well made up about what it is I want. I wish I could express myself in a way that accurately conveys how I feel, and maybe some day I will. Maybe this letter is that. Maybe it's me just getting these crazy thoughts out of my head and dealing with them the only way I know how.

I can do this, I want to do this, there's nothing I've wanted to do more. Be patient with me, just for a little while. It won't be this way forever.

I appreciate you, and I really think you're unique and special. That 'once in a lifetime' type that you never want to see go. At the end of the day I need to come to terms with the fact that all I can control is right now. All I have control over are the next 4 minutes and what it is I write about.

Thank you for still "seeing through me" even though I was low. Maybe that answers my earlier questions? hrmmmm more self reflection. Thank you for exhibiting kindness. Forgive me not considering you, being selfish and a P.O.S.. I think you deserve everything you want and more, and I have no doubt in my mind you'll get it.....with or without me.

To whoever reading this......I know for a FACT that there's a person out there who you are going to feel this intensely about. Maybe that person is already in your life (I'm jealous), or maybe you're still searching. Everything works out, exactly the way it's supposed to work out. Your person is out there, and do you know how I know that....?

BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT!!! You are amazing, outstanding, one of a kind and perfect in your own way....I love it, and I know someone else out there does too.