"Marriage is not a Validation"

May 16, 2022

It's been a month passed since I write my last article here read. cash and now I don't even know where to start and where to end.

I have an emotional breakdown last month and that is the very reason why I need to stop for a while doing things I loved including writing articles herein read. cash. It is not easy but I need to.

Little by little I fixed myself by doing things that make me feel relaxed and can release the clot in my mind.

I know to myself that I feel better and I'm about to move forward but in the middle of feeling better, my emotional breakdown and everything was again triggered.

It was triggered by my husband's toxic attitude, yes you read it right, his toxic attitude.

We were in our 7 years of being together and if you read my published articles back then you can tell that he is a good partner and a good father.

And that is indeed true, he is a good father, a good partner, and a smart person. But, all of us had a so-called bad side attitude. And his bad side kills me, emotionally and mentally.

Do you want to know his bad side?

Read until the end:)

It is not my first time suffering because of his bad side. It also almost take the life of my first child.

I am in my 4th month of pregnancy with my first child when he showed it but they've said that if you love the person you are not willing to accept the good side but also who he is and what his bad side is. He almost leaves me without a word of goodbyes. He just stop texting me and didn't bother to visit me in my boarding house and the bad news is, at that time it was already the end of the school year.

I need to find an alibi so I can able to meet him and hide my pregnancy from my parents because at that time they didn't know that I am pregnant. A blessing in disguise we have our research class and conduction that why I can escape from my parent's attention.

After our class, I travel about 2 hours to finally get some answers because everything he did was killing me mentally. I was blind to all his reason why he need to do it. I texted him that in a few minutes I will be in his home place, and it was a surprise that he reply. He asks me why and why I need to meet him and the worst thing is he didn't want to meet me. He wants me to travel back home and leave him alone because he will just contact me if he needs to.

But I stand firmly and told him that I need to talk to him about what is going on. The fact that a pregnant woman waiting in the plaza in the middle of the night that's why maybe his conscience hit him. He just told me that he will just contact me if he needs to and all I have to do is wait. Like what? Are you serious?

I went home crying, I want to break up with him at that time but I choose to give him another chance. After that, he changes a little bit but not as before. Everything went not so well but I just need to stay in control for the sake of my baby's health.

When I am in my 7th month of pregnancy when everything turns down, it bothers me not just mentally but also emotionally. I thought that I can fight against having depression while pregnant but I am so wrong. His bad attitude of leaving a person hanging in a situation and not even caring what and how it will affect that person becomes terrible.

I was crying all night and all day. And there is a time when I felt labor pain and according to my OB, it was caused by the stress I've suffered lately, and ordered me to have a bed rest because of the chance of having early labor. So, I texted him to inform him about my pregnancy situation and that I need to talk to him about it.

That night we talked, we argue and I decided to end our relationship because it was killing me mentally and emotionally. I cried out the pain and suffering not knowing what will happen next.

Guess what?

My amniotic fluid flows heavily and at that moment I'm sure that I am in my labor. He is about to walk away when he looks at my legs wet with amniotic fluid. He is shocked and I am too, we please my landlord and landlady to bring me to the hospital, and luckily they help me to save my baby.

We arrived at the hospital but unlucky my baby is in a full breach position so I need to undergo a cesarean section. But before the doctor decided to take another step, she observe and told us that we have a 40/60, 40 chance of survival and 60 of not surviving because the baby is too early in his 7 months. She will try to save the baby, close the cervix and stop the labor. And with God's grace, she saves my baby's life.

After that incident, my husband changed for the better maybe. Less argument, he can now control his bad side and everything went well. After I give birth and four months passed, he decided to take care of our baby since he graduated with his bachelor's degree already and it is time for me to pursue my bachelor's degree.

And now, after how many years his bad side went back. And now I am suffering from emotional and mental pain for almost 3 days. And to be true it's killing me.

I tried to fight back against my dark thoughts because of my kids. I am so tired of crying all night and thinking about why he did it again. He didn't care about me if I ate already or left a portion of food to intake and no communication between us even though we are living under one roof is killing me. I'm not a woman with high pain tolerance.

Marriage is not a validation of everything. Even if you are married already it is not a validation that the person who is with you today will love you for the rest of your life, will be with you until the end of your breath, and will grow old with you. No family or partner is perfect but it matters how you give your partner what she/he deserves and instead of giving not what she/he deserves.

Everything is everything, and in the end, your everything will become a memory.

Thank you for reading. I hope you didn't cry😂 Just kidding aside.