My hidden feelings

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3 years ago (Last updated: 10 months ago)

Back in 2018 I met someone. Unexpectedly there was something unexplainable feeling I felt towards her. It feels like I have known her for a long time. But I can never bring myself to talk to her. I was so nervous whenever she's around me, I can't think straight and do my task properly. She is so precious to me and I want to protect her.

Her smile changed my life and I want to protect that. Every day I look at her and wait for that lovely smile because that also gives me the courage and motivation to live!

I don't exactly know what I'm feeling for her that time, but as time goes by I clearly understand that I have fallen for her really hard. It took me years to clarify that affection. Sadly that's when I also realized that affection of mine will give me the doleful feeling.

I never had the courage to tell her, it is also because I don't think is necessary. There's no need for me to tell her about what I'm feeling because I think she wouldn't want that. There's nothing gonna change if I tell her.

We never became friends, we don't talk to each other. I'm like her secret admirer, and that will always stay like that.

I found a letter that I made back in 2019, it's about my feelings and everything I want to tell for that special person of mine.

Can't think of any words to describe, the feelings I have inside. Your name blocking all my thoughts, can't think straight well I'm not anyway.

Hoping one day you'll look at me just like how I look at you. I never want to make you feel bad, it's okay if you're not into me.

But I never want to give up my feelings, it seems that there's no undo button for loving you.

Why is it so hard? It's been years but you're the only one I can think of. I thought that I only need time, but how long should I wait? What I feel never change, this is so unfair. I want to be free, I want to love someone else, but no matter how hard I try, there's always something missing, it looks like my heart only wants you.

If you ask me why it has to be you, well actually I have no clue either.

My feelings for you started a joke but then it became real, so real that I can't control. I never want you to know but my eyes can't hide the truth. You became uncomfortable everytime I look at you and that happens frequently. I was so stupid but I can't help it. I felt so weird and disgusted by myself, I shouldn't have done that. If only there's a way to go back in that time and fix my mistake, but there's no way so I have to lived with it.

There's only one doubt I had, is that I never pushed myself, even just a simple hi I can't even dare to say. I won't deny that still love you until today. If only I'm the man you want, but I'm not a man and not even the one you want!

Unhidden feelings!

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Avatar for Unhidden
3 years ago (Last updated: 10 months ago)

Comments

That's so deep dear. I can feel it.

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3 years ago

that must a genuine feeling right there 🥺

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3 years ago

I also had a similar experience in High School also but mine was without the note .. Did you finally get the chance to tell her how you felt ?

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3 years ago

Your love must be pure for her, thats the reason you still have love for her in your heart.

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3 years ago