My Father Told Me "I Could Never Be"...

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3 years ago (Last updated: 1 year ago)

Here’s the issue with parenting, many times we unknowingly and even sometimes deliberately transfer our personal demons onto our children. I don’t think my father really meant to do harm to me with his words “You Could Never Be”. However, those words rang in my head for years as negative programming. See, I guess my father had an idea even before the doctors that I had a touch of his passed down bone decease Osteogenesis Imperfecta or OI for short.

I won’t get into the detail of the disease; however, in short it means that my bones were softer than normal. I had three siblings with the disease much worse than myself, so this made my own issue seem minor to me. Even after more than 30 broken bones OI just feels like an old friend. The words of my father; however, had a greater negative impact on my life than the OI because it was mental not physical. From my teen’s right into my adult life those words held me at bay from achieving real success. The negative programming from my father created within me somewhat of a split personality when it came to anything I would try to achieve. On the one hand invincibility and on the other debilitating fear of achieving success.

UNRELENTING DETERMINATION

 Whether my father was protecting me or deliberately trying to control my thinking, the damage was done. See my Dad was my one and only real hero growing up as a little boy, so what he said when he spoke meant a great deal to me. When I was around 16 my father was upset with me for reasons I cannot recall. He told me in his fit of anger “you will never be one of those body builders”.

At 16 I had been working out about two years and really wanted to be a professional bodybuilder. Hearing those negative words at the time actually set off an unrelenting determination inside of me to become a professional bodybuilder, OI or not. What I didn’t realize at that time was that my father’s words didn’t setup the normal fear of failure many of us adopt from our parents but a fear of success in stead.

I had built-in my mind a negatively conditioned underlined fear of success. I had no tools to fix the problem because I didn’t know at the time there was one. The negatively conditioned fear of success would plague my life for many years to come.

WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE “FEAR OF FAILURE” AND THE “FEAR OF SUCCESS”?

The differences between the “fear of failure” and the “fear of success”, in my mind, are ever so slight and drastically opposed at the same time. The simplest manner in which to describe what was going on in my mind is that there was a conflict of forces. I almost never felt like I couldn’t accomplish almost anything in my life. However, accomplishments that looked giant to on looker’s were virtually insignificant to the inner-me, my enemy.

Every goal that I had accomplished in my life was still me playing it safe, which meant my negative brainwashing was constantly in control of my future. I was still hearing my father’s voice telling me that I could not be what I truly had the potential for being. I get a lump in my throat and a heavy heart even today thinking how many other people are misdirected from what seems to me an automatic pass to greatness. This all because the word of others acts as negative brainwashing, conditioning the mind to fear what should not be feared.

Was my father correct about me? I never did become a professional bodybuilder. I hope you will take the opportunity to read more of this story in my book “I’m Core Fit; Success In One Day for The Rest of Your Life”. Right now I want to conclude this story by telling you that fear of success is almost as debilitating as the fear of failure. What I have found is that when I focused on helping other people and put my life journey on a course which allows me to run on autopilot towards “True Success”, my life became much easier.

THE TRUE HERO WAS ME AND
THE HERO IS YOU

I love my father and always will. There is a large part of me that still thinks of him as a hero in my life. However, over the years I have learnt to trust in an even bigger hero to bring me truth about my journey towards “True Success”. That hero is me, and your hero should be you.

My life moves in harmony with the “True Success” journey. This all happened over a number of years and through the development of unique systems of retraining my brain to what “True Success” should look like in my life. In other words, I had to become a master of my own mind in order to not only to master my very limited fear of failure but to conquer an even bigger giant. The Fear of Success.

by: Michaelson Williams

Editor-in-Chief at MMAP Magazine

 

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3 years ago (Last updated: 1 year ago)

Comments

Same. My dad and your dad are in the same team haha. My dad want me to be perfect and i hate him for that. When i was in 4th grade, I,m a 3rd honor student. I called my dad so he can see. The knly word he said to me are " you should be the first" haha nad it breaks me until now.

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3 years ago

We have to remember that our parents are or were just human beings who got things wrong too. Parents make so many mistakes raising children, because their parents, our grandparents made many mistakes. It's likely that our children will have some not so nice things to say about us to when they grow up. The big takeaway is to be a person that grows to take full responsibility for his or her own actions in life. Our parents only lay the road map of our life journey, we are not obligated to follow it.

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3 years ago

Sometimes it is us parents who implant bad notion to our children. Instead of cheering them up, we tried to push them down by spitting bad words to them. We should be the one to encourage our kids not pinning them below.

However, there are kids who take discouragements as a challenge and become successful. Unfortunately, others took it negatively and live by it's negativity.

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3 years ago

@Xzeon I agree and believe most parents would also agree with your statement. However, it's our unconscious training from our parents that we pass down to our children. Healthy family life will most likely lead to healthy offspring and vise versa.

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3 years ago

We can never tell where the words that will motivate us are going to come from or how we use those words. Words that sound harsh and negative in one period may be the driving force of another. I always pay very close attention to how I receive the words of others and make sure that I am fully responsible for how I take them. I use the words of my father to motivate me through my life, and watch those words create successes for me like creating my own mens magazine. https://www.mmapmagazine.com Thank you all for the comments!

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3 years ago

A true dad is someone who knows they have to make sacrifices for their family, and does so without hesitation. Someone who puts their children first, above anyone else; someone who understands that they are responsible for the future wellbeing of their children and cares about their future. Keep sharing.

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3 years ago

@denzjam You are absolutely correct in that statement. Father's are so important in the home for the wellbeing of the family structure. Good men are needed in the home as protector's and leaders for their family. This is an idea that is slowly be eroded away in society. I would love to read some of your ideas on other content that I've written. It's greatly appreciated. Have a wonderful day!

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3 years ago

Determination played it's part too.

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3 years ago

Yes for sure! Sometime it's helpful when other people tell us NO. It fuels the fire which allows us to become a success.

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3 years ago

Most times it depends on ur thinking

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3 years ago

Yes Jane! It's very important to set our thinking and change our behaviors in order to cultivate success driven outcomes. I had to cement my thinking in success. Thanks for the comment!

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3 years ago

You are very correct

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3 years ago

Please subscribe my article

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3 years ago

Yes words are powerful, that is why we need to be careful every time we speak. Because it can heal or kill. Thanks for sharing this.

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3 years ago

The responsibility is upon the person hearing the words not the speaker. We have to create our own understanding from the messages that are presented to us. You are correct "words are powerful" but, only to those who give them power. Words of others do not make you powerful or weaker. Only your mind and how you personally deal with the spoken word determines one or the other. In other words the choice is always up to the hearer on how he or she uses the message behind the words themselves. Many people refuse to take responsibility for their emotions so they blame the speaker in stead of looking within for power and understand. Thank You Very Much For The Comment!

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3 years ago