Book: 15 Min relationship fix.

April 06, 2022
Wednesday

I recently read this book "15 min relationship fix" and the title itself suggests that it is meant to clear the obstructions in a relationship, especially the intimate one. Written by Joel Block, Ph.D. but I do not like the last word of the title. Maybe they should have chosen a counter-word for it, which wouldn't seem to materialize.

It claims to be a clinically proven book to counter the hindrance in marriage and revive the real intimacy among the partners. The things ruled out in the book seem to depict the methods used in marriage counseling therapy. And, I think this book is really helpful to those couples who are hesitating to pay a visit to the marriage counselor to save their relationship.

The book explains the exercises to be followed by the couple and each session comprises just 15 minutes it also says, it may be hard initially to go through the exercise without being interrupted by our partner but, gradually the involved parties understand the importance of the exercise.

So summarising this 15 min session, I would mention what they are supposed to do-

1. 5 minutes for Partner A to reveal their emotion like, how they feel, what they are going through, and what they want. And this is limited only to 5 minutes just to avoid the chaos of over-showering of emotions and to let the opposite partner grasp what her/his partner is actually saying.

2. The next 2-3 minutes are given to the opposite partner to summarise what their partner just said in their own views

3. Then, it is confirmed by Partner A if they think their partner has actually understood what she/he wanted to say.

4. The same process is repeated by Partner B and vice versa.

It is said that initially the sessions may not be found useful but they will bore the desired result and the desired way the session is supposed to go. And, it is also being suggested, not to use the information revealed against their partner.

It tries to cover a diverse probability that is responsible for our partner's behaviour. And, this is the portion that I believe should be read by all. Our partner's behaviour could be a result of some childhood traumatic experience or something undesirable that they have gone through in the past and those incidents have planted a seed of insecurity in them.

Many a time, the couple conveys their messages in an indirect way and which backfires in the majority of the cases and thus, leading to an unwanted argument that keeps piling up and straining the relationship.

The bottling up of emotions is an act of playing it safe, thinking that it is of no use or your partner may get over her/his misunderstanding sooner or later is no solution. The act of real intimacy involves being emotionally naked and expressing yourself and at the same time hearing your partner's emotions.

Some people are not loved in their childhood or are devoid of the attention they desire at an early age and when they enter into adult-relationship, their behaviours guide them towards fulfilling these things that they lacked, and in some forms, it could be a straining factor in a relationship when these things are not handled carefully. Or, take another example where a person has not been given any privacy in their life from early on and when they are in a relationship they seek this privacy but, when they feel they are still not having the privacy they are hoping for they tend to act out or start becoming annoyed and irritated and lash it out on the person who does not deserve it.

People tend to act to play safe but, they don't remember that their partner loves them for who they are, they fell for each other for a reason and it would not bring any harm if they are emotionally naked to their partners. Instead, it makes them feel loved, and feel trusted because you are willing to let your guard down and show your vulnerabilities to her/him.

For a person who is willing to spend their life holding your hands, they definitely expect their partner to be able to share even the smallest things which makes them sad or joyous. We need not overthink that we are burdening our partner with emotions or problems, remember we shouldn't underestimate the power of a mysterious force of love. Maybe, it is this love that will let you sail through, even the harshest of the storm coming your way. Find a way to maintain a work-life balance.

Thank you, And have a learning day.

I must say that this book is just a 96-page book and one should read it.