Commitment is About Morals
My friends, have you ever heard or read a catchy line or phrase which gets to you, and so, inadvertently, you repeat it ever so often, not intentionally, but because it's stuck in your head? Well, it's happened to me too.
A few months ago, I was binge watching this Netflix series, Manifest, which I couldn't quite take seriously after the first few episodes because I was just constantly distracted by Jared Vasquez's facial expressions. If you've seen the series before, Vasquez is the actor who plays Ben Stone in the show, and to me, his concerned faces always seemed extremely contrived.
Anyway, I was watching the series and they kept repeating this line every time the characters received some sort of premonition which they referred to as a "Calling". The line was: It's all connected. Well, that line's stuck with me, and now I repeat it for everything.
Like when I read reports of the suspension of Boston Celtics coach, Ime Sunday Udoka amid allegations of misconduct on the job, violating team policies. Udoka by himself has a lot to lose by way of his professional reputation and income. But that aside, in his personal life, he also stands to lose a lot as his long time partner and fiancé of seven years, Nia Long, is also waking up to the fact that she is being dragged through a scandal through no act of her own, but for allegations of Udoka's reckless philandering. Now, if that doesn't sting, my friends, I don't know what will.
It's All Connected
Many persons reacting to the news expressed shock that anyone could cheat on someone like Nia Long because of her fame, her apparent class, her accomplishments, her beauty, her desirability. Others were a bit more pragmatic.
Tina Belcher on Twitter states, "Men get with women like Nia Long, Hally Berry, and Beyonce and still cheat. It's not the women that are the problem. Men want to lock down these women who are popular, but have no intention of doing right by them. They just wanna claim the woman."
While I do not have even a bird's eye view of the private goings on in her relationship with Udoka, I can only imagine the discomfort that Nia Long, the victim, as it appears in this unfolding story, must endure, and this, not because of public accolades to her fame, beauty or accomplishments, but because when a partner betrays your trust and steps out on a relationship, all the other things do not matter, it simply boils down to one nagging question that can eat away at you: wasn't I enough?
Today, Nia Long's brand is tarnished. The world sympathizes with her, of course, but she's been knocked down from a pedestal, bruised, no longer enjoying the mysterious allure she has enjoyed for many years. He cheated. She suffers. And because of his greed, her brand suffers. It's all connected. And we don't need premonition to figure that out, right?
Being Faithful is about Morals and Nothing Else
Now friends, in my view, cheating is the worst kind of betrayal a partner, male or female, endures. And it isn't the victim's fault. Simply put, cheating is selfishness of the worst kind. It's greediness.
Unfortunately though, our culture in the form of our music and other entertainment sometimes glorifies faithless relationships, stepping out and adding sexual conquests like notches on one's belt. And if that weren't bad enough, there are apologists who would argue and seek to justify cheating with the trife argument that monogamy isn't part of a man's psyche. In fact, in some quarters, one would hear the argument that a man is a hunter and that he needs to sow seeds and populate the world Nick Cannon style. I disagree.
I believe that arguments in favor of cheating are simply washed up arguments to be greasy, to want to tie someone into an emotional contract while not wanting to commit to the same.
And, of course, some people may go off on the fact that, in Nia Long's case, the pair wasn't married. It doesn't change the fact that for all intents and purposes, they were in a committed relationship. And if she were in fact, as has been reported, blindsided by the news that Udoka was stepping out and having fun, then Udoka deserves all the recriminations he gets.
Now, friends, I don't hold to the argument that a woman is too beautiful to be cheated on or a man too handsome or that an individual is too powerful. To me, it really doesn't matter and shouldn't matter. Commitment shouldn't have a price tag. Commitment shouldn't have face value. Commitment shouldn't be measured by the size of one's bank account. To me, all of this is feeding into the shallow culture that props up the man or woman who is grasping for an excuse. Commitment is about morals. It's as simple as that. And there is nothing that should justify or excuse a roving eye or sneaking around, not when there is first the option to end the relationship, cut all ties, and walk away.
Image sourced from Unsplash
And so, Nia Long, cast as a cuckquean, because she leads a public life, must endure the open humiliation that many men and women suffer in private.
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