Things you have to know

Appreciate his desire for SEXUAL INTIMACY.

The doctor and his wife did not have a happy marriage. They were on a Crazy

Cycle, and it centered on her ultimatum, which she had laid down several

years before. She would not respond to him sexually until he met her emotional

needs. She wanted emotional release, she wanted him to talk to her face to

face, and until he met her emotional needs, she wouldn’t respond to him

sexually. After all, that’s what love was all about, wasn’t it?

Then, through a series of events, the Lord spoke to her and said, “Who is

supposed to be the mature one here? He is a new believer and you’ve been in

Christ for many years.” She got the message. She decided to minister to her

husband sexually, not because she particularly wanted to, but because she

wanted to do it as unto Jesus Christ. She didn’t have that need for sex. It wasn’t

within her, but she realized that this was her husband’s need, and the Lord had

spoken to her about meeting his need first.

So she said, “All right, Lord, I will serve him and I will meet that need

gladly.” And she proceeded to do so. So what happened? Did her need for

emotional release and talking face to face ever get met? Well this was the response, “When we lay there in bed afterward, I couldn’t get him to shut up!”

THEY KICKED THE DEVIL OUT OF BED

This couple who had been so unhappy for so many years because they had been

in a lose-lose standoff suddenly found a win-win situation. As she met his

physical need, he reached out to meet her emotional need. Someone has said,

just as the devil will do everything he can to bring two people together

sexually before marriage, he does everything he can to keep them away from

each other after marriage. This couple defeated the devil soundly. You might want to say they kicked the devil out of the bed.

Sex is symbolic to man's deeper need - respect.

By way of analogy, a wife needs emotional release through talking. When that need is met,

she feels loved. When a man refuses to talk, that symbolizes to her that he does

not love her or care about her need. A husband has a need for physical release

through sexual intimacy. When a wife refuses, that symbolizes to him that she

does not care about him and does not respect him and his need. A wife also

needs to think about how unfair it is to say to her husband, “Have eyes only for

me,” and continually turn him down when he approaches her sexually. As a

wife, you spell respect to your husband when you appreciate his sexual desire

for you.

TWO KEYS TO UNDERSTANDING YOUR HUSBAND.

There are two aspects to understanding your husband sexually. First, realize

that his sexuality is much different from yours. Proverbs 5:19 says, “As a

loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times. Be

exhilarated always with her love.”

It is no coincidence that there is no Bible verse commanding a woman to be

satisfied with her husband’s breasts at all times. That’s a ridiculous statement,

but why is it ridiculous? Proverbs 5:19 is speaking to the fact that a man is

visually oriented when it comes to sexual desire. He sees a beautiful woman,

her face and her figure, and he is stimulated. Women are not visually oriented when it comes to sex, at least not to the degree that men are.

Think about when you get out of the shower versus when he gets out of the

shower. When you step out of the shower, he is all eyes, oblivious to everything else. But what happens when he steps out of the shower? You probably say something like, “Please stand on the bath mat!” or “Be careful! I just waxed the floor!” You are not visually oriented.

The second aspect of being able to appreciate your husband’s sexual desire

for you is that he needs sexual release just as you need emotional release

(intimacy). In 1 Corinthians 7:5, Paul writes: “Stop depriving one another,

except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer,

and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack

of self-control.” When it comes to our sexuality, both husband and wife need to

meet each other’s needs. Paul says each is to fulfill his or her duty to the other.

Husbands, particularly, can come under satanic attack when deprived of sexual

release. Wives might be able to better understand this if they think about how

they would feel if their husbands didn’t want to talk or listen to them. Being

deprived of emotional release would make most women miserable.

HE WILL FEEL YOU APPRECIATE HIS DESIRE FOR SEXUAL

INTIMACY WHEN . . .

• you respond to him sexually more often and initiate sex periodically.

• you understand he needs sexual release just as you need emotional

release.

• you let him acknowledge his sexual temptations without fearing he’ll be

unfaithful and without shaming him.

• you don’t try to make him open up to you verbally by depriving him of

sex.