That time, I don't have any obligation that comes up to my mind. I really don't care about those lot of things, at home , our situition. All my concerned was , how to find any amount of money to pay for an hours to the internet cafe. I forgot my obligations to my mother to all my dreams. And that was all a dream that it never happened. I don't have guts that time to get the glory for victory. I even don't care the situition of our situition, as long as my mother existing in this world so no worries, she provide everything for the whole household. I don't know that time if she got tired, if she not feeling well or what ever , I never asked her about her situition. But when she needed my help I always there to offer my help, and that's all.
Until there such a time, maybe she can't handle the pain she felt inside, and we brought her to the hospital. There were lot of laboratories made, and I were there assisting her. And the doctor told us that she had breast cancer at stage four. And I don't have work , and we don't have savings. But thanks, the sister of my mother help us , my mother to undergo all the laboratories and for medication. My aunt shoulder all the hospital bills. And I can't describe my feelings that time. Crying inside and out of my heart, but still I show to my mother that I never affected of what being happened. And the time came that we need to check out to that hospital and my mother still had that apparatus connecting her inorder her to survive. We have our routation to watch over my mother . But I'm always with her , I'm the one who is just we called the "apple of the eye " to my mother. And me too being called "mamas boy". So the bonding were made is there.
I remember back then , when I was at my grade school, she waking me up at dawn everyday. I go with her to the market to buy those vegetables and most the bananas. I am her courier at that time. She made bananacue and some dishes to the market where I'm there too to accompany her, and we went home when it sold out. That was the living of our family at that time, but then mother stop doing it and she've been in a lot of things. She's not even tired of doing everything chores at home and lot of things outside our house. But that time the sister of my mother help us to provide of our needs, because we are in one house with my lola. So my aunt is in the other country so we got a little bit easy life that time. We are just like the other children that we can eat the delicious and tasty food or what sweets food. And that's the time I've been astray, going somewhere with my friends, drinking alcohol and thanks God I not been to drugs and trying tobacco, even my friends do that kind of addicted habbit but me, I can't resist to take it. Although I tried it too but I can't carry it to my abdominal problem, I keep on vomitting. So my friends don't forced me to use it anyway.
And let's go back to the time where my mother confined to the hospital. It's just like I'm sunk down under the eath, its hard for me to breath to move my tears just keep on falling down into my cheeks. It's really hard to bare most especially when she was gone. Holy week that time when were home, then we don't noticed it that there were no more gas in that apparatus. It's too late that we knew it. And were very sad that we touched her in a cold pale body. We felt so deeply grieved over the loss of our mother. She was still young, why of all people in the world why my mother? I'm asking it to myself, maybe because of we don't have enough money for her treatment? THere were a lot of questions in my mind. And the sorrow takes me for so many years. A lot of process before I moved on and accept the truth. So how many years then that I don't have any ambiton and no goal at all, just like then when Im still young. But thanks to all my friends surrounds me, they accompany me with the good advice and they help me laugh again.
Then when I know how to handle again my life, I started again looking another job. Where one of my friend helped me to apply at the company where she's working at. Then I loved the job there , but I don't like the people surrounds me there. But there I met the one whom taught me how to be strong in life despite of the hardships whe've been through. And now I am with the journey with her, were living in the same roof.Setting our goal and dream in life. Wishing for so many years and overcoming all the obstacle in life.
-Picture from unsplash-
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