I always find myself here

It's been a while since I last write something here. And here I am, writing since I have no where to get all the things in my head out. It's always here, the happy thoughts, the lonely, the broken, and so as when I fought for myself. And today is like those days, trouble some and drown. And whenever I feel whatever I feel that I couldn't handle myself, I found myself in here. In this community, in this account. Truly, my bio would say it all. I am truly a soul that like to write my heart out, yes that's me. I hope I am still welcome. I hope I could still make you read my mind, my heart. Nonetheless, I still wanna share please just let me. I have no where else to go. This battle will seem lighter when I share it to you.

Today is a heavy conversation I had with my significant other. Problem? Nahh, I don't think there is with regards to any other matter. He loves me. I love him. That's it right? I mean there shouldn't be trouble at all. There's shouldn't be a problem, right? But there's this hole I couldn't unseen just because I love him. There's this something that is missing and he always told me I am just discontented with who he is and I don't accept him fully. Is it? Am I not deserving to be treated just like anyone else? Just like anyone who are love? I mean I don't ask to much. Having to have a good conversation than yes-no, did you eat? What did you do? How's your day? Isn't too much right? Right?

Tell me. Please tell me honestly. Is it really to much?

Is it really to much to ask for a good conversation initiated by him? Like going back with some good memories or just random topic or even questions I am more than willing to answer?

Or I am just really discontented of whatever he had given? Am I? Have I not accepted him fully of who he is ? That he is just like that type of a person. That he is a simple minded man that keeps complicated things away. A silent man that don't ask for too much of me not like me to him. A simple guy who just love for who I am. No more no less.

Should I just do the same? Should I stop asking for more? I believe they said " when you love someone you will do whatever that would make them happy even though they wouldn't ask" is asking becomes too much? Why did I ask if he already gave? Or is it because he did not give ?

I don't know. My mind is a mess right now. It's all over the place and I don't know how to clean this up. I don't know if I should accept that I am really discontented with him or he wasn't gave his best yet that is why. I am not really sure if I would fully accept the blame. Cause I wonder if I am really discontented then why did I stick with him over the years that pass? We've been 6 years in the relationship now. If I am really discontented then why did I stay and not find someone right? If you hear out my reason, I would say, I love him and I always see he could give more and he still had his best that he could give. And I wouldn't want to seek the things I couldn't find in him to other men. I always wanted him. Just him.

Hayss. 😔 Sorry if I drag you with my mess. I don't know what to do. And where to go. Who I would tell. Even though I am confused right now one thing is certain, I always find myself in here whenever and whatever I go through. This community is already a part of me. And I am so grateful that I become one with this community, thanks to you I have community to lean on whenever I have no where and no one to go.

Thank you always read.cash community. Thank you as well for reading me. Yes you, thank you!