D'Alivia

Alivia is an influencer I followed on YouTube. I found Alivia last year in the most challenging journey of my life -my weight loss. Alivia serves as my motivation as she, herself was in the same journey as mine way back. And today, I was watching Alivia again.

Why? It's the same reason as before. I was facing the crisis and I want to take the same journey as before. Yes, I am gaining weight again. And yes, I failed to maintain my body. And yes, food ruled over my life again.

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I failed. I failed again. I failed myself with all the hardships she took from that painful journey. I failed myself again for not being constant. I failed myself again for allowing food to take over my life. I failed, and I hate it. I failed and I hate myself for doing so.

Looking back it was the same month, April that I get to do seriously about my weight loss journey and few months now, by June I get to achieved my goal weight and was so proud and happy about myself. It was like cloud nine whenever I get to wear my dream clothes. I was so happy seeing myself with my dream body. I fell inlove over and over again with the girl I see in the mirror. And I promise her to make her happy for the rest of her life. To be inlove with her, and take care of her. To do the things that would make her happy. And whenever I get to look my reflection today, I see the girl that I promised and I failed her.

Do I have regret?

No, I don't have any regrets. Me and that girl that I promised don't have any regrets. Within those months, from June up until now, we did a lot of things, amazing things together, and we are happy. That what's matter most, happiness. I may not be in the same dream body or my goal weight yet I don't regret. I may gain not only few but a lot of pounds again but I don't have regrets. I love those things in between those journey of gaining this weight, of having this body. It's not that I totally forget the promises that I made nor the love that I felt about her seeing her in her good shape. Because I still do love her. I am happy even though she gain this weight. I gain these fats and folds again. That's the important part.

What's the important part?

The love, the confidence, and the acceptance that I gain having to achieve my dream body and the weight that I desired. More than those physical aspects that I get to fell inlove with is the soul that get to accept of who I am really is. The confidence that I get to build with those journey. And the chance to learnd and understood my body and myself was the greatest gift of that journey. I am grateful that I get to experience that journey because it erase all my insecurities. It erase all my anxieties. It give me the chance to accept everything, weither I am fat or slim.

What's next?

Well, to tell you honestly, eventhough I love myself whatever shape I am right now yet the love to wear my favorite clothes again was in me right now. So, I want to get back to good shape and excited to wear them again. Few days from now, I am planning to start over the same journey that I had before but this time not because of insecurities nor the anxieties but because I just love to do it and experience the same cloud nine feeling and excitement. I am looking forward to it. Ayeehhh!!! I'm sorry I'm just excited. I hope it will be successful and I will update you from time to time. Maybe, I'm gonna write few blogs whenever I start because for now I just waited my period to end since it finally arrived last Monday and my period tend to stay for four to five days. After this I am planning to buy first some stuffs for the journey. Maybe some yoga mat, or jump rope to get my ass kickin' and be motivated. Aweehhh, I am motivated, to do this cause I had few tops I added to cart on shopee, haha I want to try them on. Wish me luck though.

That would be all for today fellas. Thanks for reading. Keep safe and God bless.

If you are on a weight loss journey and failed over many times, then I recommend watching Alivia D'Andrea on YouTube. You can search or just click here.

It might help you to understand your journey and yourself as well. You can appreciate what more than the struggles you've been through and be motivated to continue even with all the hardships.